1963-10-10 - Let's All Have Fun Together
Summary: Enigmatic figures appear in Coney Island during Columbus Day. One of them kicks a child, and things progress from there. In the end, they don't have a leg to stand on.
Related: None
Theme Song: None
spiral volstagg angela akihiro 

Coney Island! A scenic location, which is only occasionally the cover for a range of secret anti-everybody weapons programs involving unethical human experimentation. In particular it features ASTROLAND, the amusement park of the space age.

ASTROLAND is a pretty happening place. Especially on that Italian-American holiday of COLUMBUS DAY - which means that every sausage place has plenty of fresh Italian-flavored sausage to go with the usual range of fried dough-based culinary experiences. The crowds surge and mill about, the cooling weather meaning that a lot of people are in jackets. Even long coats. The staff for the area around the ASTROLAND SKY RIDE are notable, though, for having been cheaply costumed as Astronauts (helmet, milsurp jumpsuit painted silver) or Space Monsters (bug-eyed headpiece, wiggly green shag carpet surrounding).

An Astronaut and a Space Monster are pulling a cart towards the Astroland Skyride. This may be pretty legitimate since that cart is containing several large boxes with stencils indicating it is TELEVISION EQUIPMENT, CAMERA, LIGHTING and FILM SUPPLY. A person who is every inch the stereotype of the Young Girl Reporter, with blonde hair in victory curls and an extremely correct dress, is standing behind it. She is the one who is declaring, with brassy force, "COME ON! MAKE ROOM!" as they approach the Skyride.

"Hey! You're cutting!" says a small child.

"We're with the press, sweetie," says the Girl Reporter. (The Space Monster snickers, somehow.) "We just want to film something up here."

"You should wait in line," the child says, gap-toothed and endearing. He folds his arms on the railing and leans forwards. "I've been waitin' almost since lunch time! Just 'cuz you're on TV doesn't -"

The Astronaut snaps his leg forwards and there's a loud BANG, as if of a shotgun. The child is sent flying out of line, taking a sharp parabolic arc and falling into a horrified group of parents, not his own, before he starts wailing and bawling in agony.

The crowd is shocked. The Space Monster is now laughing as if she has just seen the most astonishing joke in history, and so it falls on Girl Reporter and Astronaut to force that cart forwards, shoving aside several others and getting towards — the boarding platform. From there, no doubt, they will want to get on this modish cable-car ride.

BUT WHY? Are they really THAT impatient to get an establishing shot?


Akihiro just so happens to be in line for that very ride (it has absolutely nothing to do with the redhead in line beside him, promise), and when the Astronaut kicks the child his attention is immediately on them. "If you'll excuse me just a second doll, looks like I need to go have a chat with a space man."

He cuts out of line and advances on the costumed figure, patiently securing his hair behind him. "Hey, space dick. Got a moment to talk about our lord and savior?"


Angela understands why she is here, at the Island of Cones. She knew from the moment she saw the entertainment equipment—the giant clanking thrill machines surrounded by vendors. Sera told her to come here, complete with a little fib to make it seem Important, so that Angela would be distracted for an evening from everything.

The gnawing feeling of failure. The brooding over where exactly Sera's ghost disappears to for stretches of time. The sullen plotting. Everything. Sera knew Angela would judge the quaint space paraphernalia to be silly, but because Sera was behind it all, it would be charmingly silly. It was a good plan.

So there is a tall, redheaded woman sitting on a bench across from the line leading into the ASTROLAND SKY RIDE. Her outfit is not as striking as her: slim-cut heather grey slacks with a black belt, a white blouse with the sleeves rolled up, blocky men's sunglasses.

She watches the ride's passenger pods come and go, observing the people that wait for their turn. And, she eats ice cream, because so far today is the day that Angela put 'ice cream' in Earth's plus column. (It's strawberry.)

The child's call-out is what first earns Angela's attention. This child has clearly been raised well, for he asserts his rights over what he purchased through social contract: a place in line. When the astronaut makes a counter-proposal by punting the child, Angela leans forward as if to stand—but, she holds, because someone (Akihiro) immediately acts.

Angela waits, watching. How will the pleasure-seekers of Coney Island show their moral fiber—or moral failings?!


As Akihiro pulls himself out of the queue and approaches, the Astronaut turns his attention to him. He reaches up to pull up the faceplate of his laser helmet, though the lighting means his eyes aren't all that visible. Still, they seem to dance in the shadow, looking at him, then at the other two.

The Astronaut's focus rests on Akihiro again. "No," he says. This makes the Space Monster cackle again, and with a synchronized OOMF the cart reaches that platform. A hubbub is cursing them, no doubt for child assault as much as for line cutting. The thin wail of the kicked child keeps going, although any child making that much noise can't be mortally wounded.

Even so, this heavy cart of technical equipment IS hefted up, as if it weighed fifty pounds, not five hundred, by the trivial effort of the Girl Reporter and the Space Monster. The Astronaut lingers, tilting his head back to look towards Akihiro.

"Why, was it your kid?" he says, voice slightly nasal and twangy. Southerner? Southernish, anyway. "Didn't look like your kid. Maybe you should go scrape 'im off the fried dough."

Meanwhile the Girl Reporter calls ahead to the ride attendant, "We need one of the cars, please, we're filming something—"

"I didn't hear nothing about anyone doing any filming."

"Please?" says the Girl Reporter. She's turned away from the crowd (and Angela) but SOMETHING seems to shine on the attendant's face. He steps aside, chuckling toothlessly. "Uh - be my guest - just lemme, uh…" The ride is slowed, and an arm comes out from the Space Monster to arrest one of the cars for, no doubt, criminal purposes.

Someone throws a drink cup at them. This bold soul endures no penalty for this act, for now. (It was mostly empty anyway.)


Akihiro furrows his brow slightly, attention shifting up to where the film crew went. "Shit." His eyes close for a moment and he inhales deeply, before slowly letting it out. "Alright, here we go."

And with that the teen breaks into a full run, closing the distance between himself and the Astronaut. It seems like he may throw a punch at him, but as his fist comes down there's a soft /snikt/ and two claws explode from between his knuckles in an effort to end the fight before it begins.

Regardless of if he actually hits or not, he's moving at a full tilt towards the Reporter and Monster.


Behind her opaque shades, Angela's gaze moves from one component of the conflict to another. The astronaut's face. The space monster and girl reporter lifting the cart. The flash on the attendant's face.

Angela reflects upon the facts in silence. Being on a new planet requires an extra level of hesitation. Is the strength displayed here unusual for this planet's people? The way the wheels moved suggested a certain weight. Do people, even criminals, shine lights on each others faces as a means of coercion?

No. This is sketchy even in context.

Angela finishes standing. Akihiro throws a punch, and Angela hears the peculiar blade-sound in the same moment that she spots the weapon. A (mortal?) neck-cutting for the crime of child-punting. It is possibly just.

Angela passes the fallen child on the way to the ride. There is a clear spot next to him in the gathering of people come to render aid. She pauses, and then crouches down to thrust her ice cream into his hand.

"Boy child. You will have your justice today. My price for this service is that you grow strong when you age so that you may protect what is yours."

Having done this great service, Angela strides through the increasing rowdiness of the line to meet with the attendant. She puts her hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"Local worker. Tell me why you changed your mind and permitted this dereliction of your duty."

A case must be built. Angela knows the signs of many forms of mental suggestion. She's not worried about catching the guilty parties at this point because she's seen how slow those pods move.



Volstagg has a turkey leg in his hand and is looking desperately around his well-heaped table for just the right sauce. He's looking for something a little spicy to balance the tart notes from a pie he had ten minutes earlier. "Oh, drat and blast! Where is the little red bowl? It's always in the little red bowl!"

Hildegund does not look up from sharpening the legendary Cooking Knife of Tyrnaeg, the one with the orichalcum inlay of a a man kissing his fingers. Ancient dwarven runes along the other side of the blade read 'Cooked To Perfection!'. "Why, Hogun borrowed it the other day, husband." She inspects the blade critically. "To play some Midgardian sport he's grown fond of."

"Hogun the Grim? Playing at sport! Well, now my interest is peaked! I'm off to find Fandral, my dear, he always knows where to find the man!" Volstagg turns and marches out of the house, grabbing his skullcap off the wall, calling out, "Hogun? Hogun, you know I cannot mislay sauces into incorrect bowls! I did not earn fame and victory by eating like a barbarian in my own home!" He brushes past Hogun, standing in the middle of Volstagg's entry foyer with a small red bowl in one hand and a ping-pong ball in the other. The dour Asgardian watches his substantial friend go right past him longsufferingly.


Heimdall asks, "Where in Midgard does your destination lie?" Volstagg kind of waves vaguely.


Tension! Violence! Ominous observation! What does this situation definitely not need? IS IT A PILLAR OF SCINTILLATING, IRIDESCENT LIGHT SLAMMING INTO AN EMPTY PATCH OF BOARDWALK A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY?

The light fades after only a short moment, leaving an enormously large man - in all dimensions - wearing a fine pink tunic desperately covering his frame. He runs one hand through his beard, the other firmly clutching a great leg of turkey, frowning at the tableau.

He steps off of a symbol burned into the boardwalk - complex knotwork - moving directly for the wailing child Angela had just briefly attended to, gesturing aside the confused and frightened adults milling around him, going down to a knee. "Dear boy," he rumbles in a deep voice, smiling, eyes twinkling, "What has set you askew from aright?" Carefully, he attempts to bring the boy back to his feet, sticking the turkey leg under his arm and drawing a large, paper-wrapped candy from his pocket. This kid's making out like a bandit today.

He glances to a nearby bystander, face going serious. "What has occurred here, goodman? Volstagg the Bloody Epic would have this from you."


Akihiro advances forwards and makes with THE FIST! The Astronaut grins at him and the grin fades when there's that 'snikt' and the feeling of claws snapping into his body.

Except… Well: these ironic claws are sharp and vicious and can carve through even titanium-reinforced steel. And if Akihiro has ever punched his claws into that material, that's exactly what it feels like, although there's also a sense that he's punched THROUGH a plate.

"Ah," says the Astronaut, trembling for a moment. "Ah!" It isn't a scream.

"Guess I ain't got to -" he then says, as his left leg tugs down and his right leg swings round again. No, not swings: it's a snap forwards, too fast for the naked eye. There's another shotgun CRACK and a sense of invisible force smashing right at Akihiro's gut. This is the same sort of strike that sent that child flying: Akihiro is of course larger, but it's not gonna be fun for him either. "HOLD BACK-"

While Akihiro fights some kind of "man of iron," things evolve. Angela approaches a child. Some hapless passerby had put his or her coat under the child's head: he is not bleeding, but does look rather pale and his leg is sitting at an awkward angle. Doubtless disjointed, perhaps broken. He will live, but perhaps this world will always be a place of peril for him.. UNTIL NOW.

He accepts the ice cream immediately. "… sure, miss," he tells Angela.

Who then approaches — the Attendant! Who doesn't answer her immediately. His gaze turns up with a slightly dizzy smile. "Hmmm? Oh - hey Red. They're just the TV folks… probably wanna get a shot of the Columbus Day crowd for the nightly news, right?"

"That's right," calls the Space Monster, "helpfully." They are moving crates into that stopped car. This seems to be a slightly tricky process, perhaps because they're not working in a very big space. Someone in a car behind them bangs on the window, frustrated at this hold up in the line.

Then comes the might of Volstagg. He is able to sweep the child up in one voluminous arm easily, and someone says "Oh thank God that's the medic.""Right?""It has to be."

The child answers him as he accepts the candy. "I told that man up there he shouldn't cut in line, Mister. And he kicked me! He kicked me real hard. My leg hurts, Mister. Are they gonna have to amputate?" (No.) (The child may be safely placed in the care of the two guys with a stretcher trying to fight through the crowd at Volstagg's discretion. They bear the red cross of the Templars. Pretty trustworthy.)


"Oof!" The air in Akihiro's lungs is forced out, his forward momentum causes him to hit the ground and roll, but he isn't on the ground for long. In fact it seems almost like he wasn't really hurt in the slightest. "Alright."

Two more claws burst through from between the knuckles of his off hand. "Time to test my adamantium out then."

He breaks out in another run, mindful of the Astronauts legs, he leaps into the air intent on putting his claws through the man-thing's face.


The situation evolves. The man with claw hands and the astronaut with punting powers get into a perfectly normal brawl. Angela devotes only a small amount of her attention to them, preferring the attendant. She scrutinizes his smile, his hesitation, the slight slur in his words. He immediately offers up a plausible rationalization. That's another sign. Angela looks up at the space monster. This is about all the evidence she needs.


Behind Angela, the sound and feeling of unfamiliar magic demands her attention. It feels like a sharp singing in her teeth. She glances over her shoulder, catching the dying rays of light. Her eyes widen fractionally. Is that—

A freakishly corpulent man shambles toward the child she left behind her. He holds in his hand the severed and cooked leg of some animal—is it an animal?

Angela's eyes widen further.

He speaks. He says…

volstagg the bloody.

Volstagg the Bloody.



"Angela, Sardiel told me that you made poor restitution to her today."

"I did not. She gave my morning instructor an excuse for my tardiness and asked me to pay her at lunch. She wanted me to write her homework for her, but it was a post-hoc price, so I only told her what books she needed. It was fair."


"It was fair!"

"Angela, do you know what happens to little angels who don't settle their debts?"


"Do you know how many bad little angels Volstagg has eaten, Angela? He'll crawl out of that sewer grate near your house this very night!"

"Volstagg isn't real!"

"What do you think happened to Sardiel's cousin last year, Angela? They didn't even find blood! He licks it all up after he's done crunching on the bones!"



Angela pushes the attendant away. Almost too quickly for human speed, she's up in Volstagg's personal space, shoulders squared and feet spread in an aggressive stance. Her hands are fists and her tone is already heated.

"Put the child down. He was wronged by the three outlaws behind me and I act in his stead to make it right. If you have quarrel over this, it belongs here."


ROLL: Spiral +rolls 1d2 for a result of: 2


Volstagg beams down at the child as he helps him to the stretcher, identifying the telltale signs of the battlefield medic. The two men very hesitantly direct Volstagg to lay the boy down. "Ah, a young warrior. It is heartening to hear of such bravery being instilled in the hearts of the children of Midgard. Perhaps your name will ring out alongside that of Volstagg in the meadhalls of all the Nine Realms one day!" He winks, tucking another candy into the child's hand. He doesn't answer the question about amputation. Surely if they did, he'd just get a fanciful new limb from the dwarves!

The immense Asgardian looks down at Angela with some surprise, eyebrows lifting over kind eyes. "The /three/ outlaws, you say?" Unperturbed by her aggression, he steps around her to tuck the child into the stretcher. "Well, goodwoman, I hope you do not think I interfere too stridently, but Volstagg the Valiant cannot allow those who would wrong a child to pass without interjecting some complaint of his own."

"Come, then, let us have stern dialogue with these outlaws of yours." His face goes stony as he turns, taking in the costumed miscreants. 'That man up there' is fairly vague as descriptions go. Two are fighting - well, far be it from Volstagg to interrupt a good duel. The child did specify a man, so the woman is likely out So, which of these is the most suspicious?

The Asgardian pulls his turkey leg back from under his arm, takes a final bite (stripping most of the meat in a single hearty go), and sends it spinning end over end at the… well. Volstagg has never seen such a demon before, but a demon it clearly must be. And people always said Midgard's inhabitants were plain! "What ho, ah, fur elf!" he shouts to the Space Monster, continuing to advance, moving those who do not part before him (this is uncommon) with a gentle but insistent hand. He grips his belt with both hands, hitching it up along with most of his gut. He appears to be giving Angela perhaps an unwise lack of consideration, focused on perhaps the one crime that will rouse Volstagg from meat and mead every single time.


ROLL: Volstagg +rolls 1d2 for a result of: 2


"Your Adam ant? Hah!" says the Astronaut as he settles down, bringing his arms up like a guarding boxer. He is then promptly stabbed in the face with a claw, though a reflexive weave means that Akihiro's claw goes straight THROUGH his right eye and out the back of his head. He seems nonplussed by this for a moment. There is still no blood. There's still that metallic feeling.

There's a chorus of shutters behind him. A girl-child in the crowd says, "MOMMY HE STABBED HIM!""(It's just a show, dear…)""No! I can see blood!"

The Astronaut reaches up to touch his face. Akihiro can see closer, now; there is metal bone but the skin seems alive. "Hgh…" And then he kicks the ground! Which wrenches HIM off the claws, at the cost of cutting open his orbital bone with another flash of metal, leaving that space helmet half-clawed off, and sending him flying nearly twenty feet into the air! (There are oohs and ahhs at this.) He grasps onto the Skyway cable above him, dangling and calling down, "Nice - pigst-st-st-st-st-st-st-st-st-st"

The Space Monster rustles somehow.

The Astronaut jerks. "Nice PIGSTICKERS," he concludes.

MEANWHILE, the ride attendant is not left with further stimulus. He sits on his little garbage folding chair and smiles dreamily, visions, no doubt, dancing in his head. The group loading the sky-car are apparently nearly done.

The child says, "The Meatballs?" as the medics put him on a stretcher. One of them tells Volstagg with some dubiousness, "Uh… thanks, Mac."

They begin sidling away. Not quickly. The crowd is congealing, away from the ride but at a distance that lets them watch the… 'show.' They still think it's a show. Perhaps they're wrong.

The bone flies straight and true and strikes the Space Monster in its green, bug-eyed head with enough force to transmit a solid crunch. The papier-mache, loosely reinforced with some kind of lacquer, cracks easily underneath the strength of Volstagg the violent, crumpling inwards in a long strip as a wicker framework is laid bare, a mummer's artifice indeed!

The bone is lodged in the wing of a silver-chrome helmet, loosely resembling a samurai's kabuto. The helmet turns, and a pale blue eye looks out through the newly created gap. "What ho indeed," the Space Monster says.

The green fuzzy cloak rustles and the Girl Reporter gets into the sky car with all the equipment. The Space Monster turns to face the Asgardian, stepping forwards, tossing its head back and then opting to simply SLAM it downwards, cracking it open and letting it all fall away. The face and hair of its helmed occupant is revealed! She's smiling.

(The Girl Reporter calls, "Darling, start it up!" The ride starts humming to life again.)

"Dialogue, did you say?" asks the Space Monster, still grinning. "I'll follow your lead. Get us started, Big Boy."


Akihiro shakes his head, hair falling about his shoulders once more as his worn old elastic finally gives way. "Every time I try to relax." he grumbles, heading for the ride where the 'Reporter' and the two possible automatons are. He hasn't caught sight of Volstagg or Angela yet, seemingly too worried about stopping whatever it is they have planned.


Angela regards the medics when they arrive. Even in her hyper-vigilant state, she can't come to the conclusion that they're in league with this beast. She waits until the child is safely being carted away until devoting the whole of her attention back on VOLSTAGG. Her knuckles are white.

But there is a plot shift afoot. Angela doesn't act when Volstagg decides to make her burden his own. She recognizes the small hints of paternalism: the kind of genuine fatherly reflexes.

What does it mean?! Is he some patron to Asgardian children and devil to angels?! Perhaps the children of Midgard are under his two-sided protection also.

It doesn't remove all of Angela's tension. She watches Volstagg move past her, and then she follows him through the crowd, briefly alone with her thoughts. Claw man lands a telling blow on kicker man, which Angela has enough presence of mind to admire the artistry of. Kicker man kicks himself all the way up to the cable above, which seems in line with his general aesthetic.

While Volstagg speaks and the space monster is revealed, Angela reaches up and gathers her hair into a ponytail. A piece of ribbon subtly writhes up from underneath the collar of her shirt, sliding into her hand. She uses it to bind her hair in place.

"Claw man," she says. "Your prey evades you."

Angela nimbly cuts through the remaining crowd between her and the boarding platform, arriving just as the pod is moving off the platform. Angela takes a running leap off the side of the platform, landing on the side of the pod, where she uses the attendant's handlebar as a foothold. She grips the top of the pod for balance as she uses her free foot to pry the door open—legendary strength applied with legendary skill means an open door with a broken lock instead of broken metal and impact craters and so on, so on.

The woman inside is likely in possession of some kind of mind-affecting device. The kicker man will likely attempt to enter the pod when it reaches where he hangs on the cable. The solution is clear.

After the split second it took her to leap onto the car and push the door open, Angela shifts her grip, and swings inside, kicking the crate away if need be. In the same moment, she thrusts her newly-freed hand forward. Ribbons explode out from under her sleeve, rustling forward in an attempt to wrap around the woman's face and slam her toward the other end of the pod.


Angela's tension doesn't escape Volstagg's notice, but he chalks it up to the chaotic situation. He can't imagine how a Midgardian who'd never met him would be so agitated by /his/ hand!

So, you know. That's going to be embarassing later.

The 'fur elf' reveals itself!

"Well! Volstagg offers his humble apologies," he says, putting one hand on his expansive shoulder, tilting his neck to the side. The pops are loud and rattle the chest like a great drum. "I did not mean to misidentify you as one of the elven races. Fortunately, I did not mistake you in the most important aspect to us here."

He throws his arms wide. "An opponent!" Volstagg lumbers forward with deceptive - but not inhuman - speed, not going for a weapon, taking it easy on the white-haired woman. Feathers and beard fluttering, he seeks to wrap her up in a crushing, paternal bearhug. It's clear he isn't taking the 'space monster' seriously, his other eye checking on Angela's leap and Akihiro's fight.


The Astronaut dangles from the cord above. He twists round, apparently intent on riding the cables by his bare (gloved?) hands if not stopped. He must be up to something more important than fighting angry young men… at least, in his own mind. There are some gasps about this action, and a droplet of something vaguely blue and viscuous patters from above, onto the as-yet-undevastated boarding platform for the ride.

BUT MEANWHILE Angela leaps forwards and boards that pod even as it rolls forwards and is about to rise up into the air. In fact, her kick has the benefit of that upward lurch to add to her blow, the lock cracked and the door swinging open. Then she swings inside, making all the shapeless boxes of some Midgardian material or other rattle and clank against each other. The Girl Reporter looks towards her -

And then her face is wrapped against and slammed against the far end of the pod. There's a crack and something shifts underneath those ribbons. "My face," the woman cries out. "My face came OFF - oh, no, my FACE…" And from the sense of kneecap like motility beneath those ribbons, maybe it did. Faces do not, traditionally, do that.

Meanwhile, the Space Monster says to Volstagg, "Identity? What a crisis. Oh, are you standing against me? That's lovely—" The Space Monster straightens up for a moment as Volstag bounds forwards and lunges forwards for a hug. And he is in turn hugged back as he enforces his dadly embrace. A pair of arms around his waist, another pair around his shoulders - The Space Monster pivots backwards -

Spiral lands on her upmost pair of arms as the other four shove and project Volstagg forwards along with much of his momentum, saying as she does, "Whuf!" It's enough to project him towards one of those open ride-car doors, thankfully emptied by the group who had, in irritation, let themselves out and are immediately screaming at the proximity of this.

Sweeping round with a swivel of the hips, Spiral rises upwards and strides forwards, a hand on her hip and two more gesturing in the air, summoning a pair of blades. (Akihiro can completely see this. Of course, he's also looking at a monster.)

"Big Boy indeed! I wonder if you'll stretch metal, bend steel in your girthiness. If you hadn't thrown yourself at me with such vigor, I'd have been crushed!" As she says this, another arm yet reaches out to slam the door shut on Volstagg, though he may have something to say about that.

The ride attendant continues to be useless. But he's leaving the ride running… including the part where people get the chance to get off. "Help!" calls out a gawky teenager, sadly sans origin.


Akihiro does stop when he gets to the attendant. "Ah.." he looks over the panel for a moment before hitting the switch he hopes will stop the ride. He seems perfectly okay with letting Volstagg handle Spiral for now, opting to tug a handgun from his waistband and use it to ride the cable towards the Astronaut and Angela.


Angela steadies herself where she stands. Once she's sure the flash woman is secured, she glances over and out the window to where the kicker man waits on the cable. Enough time.

Her parasympathetic ribbons speak to her mind. She feels the woman's face beneath them—mechanical. Her face ''is'' off, it was on some kind of movable mechanism. Is the flash device underneath it? She forces more ribbons into the gap, trying to feel for the device.

In a normal conflict, this woman would escape with a more gentle subduing. However, mental domineering cannot be trusted.

Angela's ribbons twist the woman around, reorienting her toward the crate. They slither down her neck and grab her body, using it as leverage. They need leverage because the next step is to pry off the face and then slam the exposed mechanism into the corner of the crate. No more mind control.

Angela spares a look out the other end of the pod. Claw man is coming after them, and—a woman with swords. Her attention lingers on Spiral and Volstagg.


ROLL: Spiral +rolls 1d10 for a result of: 5


"Oh!" says Volstagg, as too many arms start to modify his momentum. He can't shift his center of gravity in time. His skullcap drops off his head with a clatter as he's foisted into the little car, his large body just really giving it the business, metal crumpling under him.

Spiral tries to slam the door on Volstagg, but the door can only do so much. It crashes into his flank as he disentangles himself from the wreckage, sending a ripple up his body. He protests with an "Ow!"

Volstagg reclaims his skullcap, fitting it back over his bald spot, and frowns at Spiral. Volstagg's been around the block for… quite a while. Having a bunch of arms doesn't seem to be something he hasn't experienced before. "Roguish lady," he admonishes, swiping his hand against oil staining his sleeve. "You understand what it means to bring weapons into this, correct?" He crouches down, putting his hand on the good steel frame of the ride-car. "I only wish to give your hide a good tanning for your liberties with the child and truss you up for the local guardsmen."

His arm bulges, metal shrieking as he strips away a piece of the frame, taking a few moments to crush down the twisted metal into blunt ends with his hands. /Shucks./ "But if you wish to rise my ire further…" He finds a grip on his improvised hammer and bursts into motion, charging Spiral and bringing it down at her. "VOLSTAGG THE VALIANT WILL NOT LEAVE YOU DISAPPOINTED! HAVE AT!"


Akihiro hits a switch. "Uh? Hey, boy, don't touch the - what?" the Attendant says, even as the ride judders to a halt. This lets several people's worth of cars debark with UNDUE HASTE, but maroons more high in the sky.

Including the Astronaut. He dismounts and lands in the shrubbery and garbage in the overhang space of the skyway. He does not seem to be pressing an offensive.

Angela presses that woman down and raises her up. She lets out an electronic moan, saying as she's hoisted, "No nO No NON NONONONONOON" And then comes the smashing inwards. A few sharp blows and fragile glass ruptures in a flat metallic surface. After several of those, the Girl Reporter goes limp. If she's shamming, she's shamming with a severe injury.

As for Volstagg, Spiral faces him dead on. There are some screams as her arms move sinuously, but at least the distant people will think of it as a special effect. "Spanking and trussing. Good instincts. You know what people like to see!" And then he rips apart part of the car, evoking MORE screams. Spiral's arms whip up to cross her blades to catch his brutal swing! The blades sink into the head of the hammer. Spiral herself is unbowed, but…

She has left two two-foot-long scrapes in the platform from her heels. Her body ripples, waving back and forth even as the two arms occupied in weapon locking stay still. "Bold and brave, but can you endure a dance, Volstagg the Valiant? Braggadocio isn't a shield on its own!" Her left arms rise up, forming mystic passes together, the middle one adopting a palm-forwards mudra towards Volstagg as the others accelerate, light flickering in the air (and yeah, that gets gasps from the gawkers) as SOMETHING gathers.

If fate does not intervene, even Volstagg's girth may be sore pressed to absorb the burst of concussive force Spiral prepares!


"Don't touch a thing!" Akihiro shouts back towards the Attendant. Once he's made it to the cart holding Angela and the now limp female robot, he moves to check out the box of 'equipment' they loaded up. He doesn't look back at the redhead, but it's obvious his words are directed at her. "She wasn't the brains. Neither is that asshole down there. I'm willing to be the other one's pulling the strings. So," he turns to face her now, "please make sure they don't get away."


Volstagg arms himself. Angela watches for a moment longer, and then returns her attention to the reporter-who-isn't.



Angela deems the mind device disabled. The ribbons slither back up her arm and under her blouse, carrying the reporter into Angela's outstretched hand. She grabs the other woman (machine or not) by the neck and walks to the open door. Akihiro comes in before she gets there. Angela listens impassively to the man, and doesn't stop him from rifling through the equipment.

"Is that a request? We will discuss your payment afterward."

Angela steps forward. She holds the not-reporter out over the edge.

"You have stolen time from a child who paid for leisure and the wits of a man who agreed to provide service. For this, I judge you guilty. Your punishment: go to the back of the line."

After letting go, Angela climbs out back onto the side of the stopped pod, finds the same foothold, and then leaps all the way back to the platform where she started. This jump is actually impressive (for a human) now that there's more distance, and it sends the pod rocking back and forth.

Behind her sunglasses, Angela's gaze moves between the two. She doesn't act immediately. A part of her, a part that she listens to, wants to see what Volstagg is made of.


Volstagg and Spiral lock up, dust blowing away from them from the initial impact. She tries to make it into a sex thing and says sex words, but Volstagg the Very Loyal To His Wife on Pain of Death perserveres. She forms some kind of mystical gesture, unknown magics gathering. The Asgardian quickly glances over his shoulder.

The crowd, peppered with children, stretches out behind him. Can't get out of the way.

"I /am/ the shield!" he shouts, shifting, hunkering down, and trying to pivot the chunk of car frame upwards, pushing far too close and using his great gut as a ram to try and break apart Spiral's stance and bear her back and away from the crowd. "CLEAR ASIDE, MIDGARDIANS!" he bellows. "This is no lighthearted farce to gawk at overlong!"

If he doesn't manage to disrupt her spell, well. The one thing he isn't going to do is move aside.


Spiral's words are always sex words - if she wills them so!

Unfortunately for her, but perhaps fortunately for Volstagg the Voluminous, his mighty gut transcends what Spiral has known and experienced - the biggest, fattest stomach she's seen (save one, of course). The force of it takes her by surprise, disrupting that gathering spell enough that there is merely another flash and a ba-THROOM as if of distant thunder. Spinning around, Spiral cries out in momentary, wordless surprise.

And keeps spinning, pirouetting on one foot and tossing a sword over her head to catch on the opposite side of her body, saying as she does: "What's wrong, Big Boy? Don't care for an audience?"

(The crowd surges to pull away. Volstagg's words are mighty. Also, that's a freaky Hindu-looking woman with swords. People are taking photos. Hopefully, this won't push Spider-Man off the Bugle front page.)

MEANWHILE! The woman makes no real response to Angela's remark and then falls out of the sky car. From the sky. To the ground. Well, she was probably tough anyway. It is at this point that she vanishes from immediate view, thanks to the aforementioned garbage and scrubby bushes.

And now that she's turned around, Spiral frowns at the sight of a dropping minion. "Tsk! It seems your bulk's stepped on my denoument - do you know what you've done? Plundered my equipment! Spoiled my setup! Befouled my filming - ahhhhh, it seems the day is lost. I should retire with grace, to fight again once more," Spiral muses aloud, even as she - without looking - whips her sword blades down with blurring speed to try and slash up Volstagg. Fortunately, even if her speed is hard to parry, she can be /moved away from/, and swords (usually) don't stab the children in the audience.

As for Akihiro, he finds things in the box that are inexplicable. Cameras? But like little pinhole cameras attached to small gray boxes. They have black patches on one side - touching them is very sticky, hard to pull your fingers away from. There's easily three dozen in there. Some tiny red pinprick lights come on a few of them as he inspects them.


As Angela leaps down to the platform, the ride attendant stares at her in slow dawning awareness. "… What… What's going on here?! Oh my God, who are those people!? I'm making a buck an hour here, I ain't in the sword show!!" His voice is panicky and he remains seated near the controls. A problem for SOMEONE, perhaps.

Hopefully not Akihiro's claws.


Akihiro sighs in relief at the sight of cameras. "No more explosives. This day is looking up." Rather than take the route back up past the Attendant, instead he leaps out the side and hits the ground with a role. Rather than approach the combatants outright he vanishes into the crowd the way only somebody with years of training and experience can, chosing to circle around and watch Spiral from behind.

There's that quiet snikt once more as his claws extend, then he's going in. The teen has never been too bothered getting cut, so he wastes no time moving into her personal space and launching a swipe at one of her arms.


Angela alights on the platform to the familiar sound of a manipulated victim moving out of the rationalization phase. There are a lot of psychics in space and they spend basically all of their time being assholes with telepathy.

"Perhaps you should ask your employer for more bucks-an-hour," she says, reaching for her belt. She removes a sliver of metal hidden on the inside and palms it for now. "To reflect the broadening of your contract."

Volstagg proves the durability of perfidious Asgard. The duel intensifies as the many-armed woman increases her effort. Angela recognizes this dance: one of a warrior testing the boundaries of an opponent. She is clever.

She recognizes Volstagg, as well. Does he really only care for—

Angela tilts her head so that Akihiro can see that she's looking at him, even though her eyes are hidden. Between the three of them, Spiral's routes of escape are perilous. Unless she's a teleporter.

(There are also a lot of teleporters in space.)


Volstagg takes the much-reduced blast with a cough, shifting back a step and thudding the length of steel on the boardwalk beneath him to regain his breath. His face splits into a broad grin. "I only hope for a safe distance. Stories cannot spread without brave bards to observe the deeds of legend, but the wise bard observes from a distant vantage and relies on wit to smooth over the lost details!"

Again, Volstagg's not much of a dodger. He lifts the 'mace' to deflect the oncoming swords, but the first hit shears right through the middle of the woefully un-enchanted Midgardian metal, the other blade slicing through his tunic, parting rings from the fine mail beneath and lifting a mighty welt along his side. "Oh-ho!" He calls, wrapping one half of his frame around the other and giving it an authoritative twist. Now he has a hammer, ho ho ho."

Wincing though, favoring the side the sword stuck on, Volstagg shifts his stance and frowns at Akihiro, murmuring, "An assault from behind? Come now, son, that's bad form." Now attacking with one arm, his strikes come faster. Volstagg whirls the 'hammer' with one hand over his head in silent tribute to an old friend before attempting to bring it down at Angela's sword arms, distinct from the other arms on account of holding swords.


"A raise? That's not a bad idea!" says the ride operator, deflected from his anxieties by the wise words of Angela. (He will possibly get fired for it, because capitalism sucks. Read Marx. Spiral TV supports Communist infiltration)

But things are heating up quick and swift. Akihiro lunges forwards towards Spiral as she slings her blades around towards the Asgardian, tossing them back and forth in sinuous motions and leaning round and forwards in manners that should, honestly, not quite work. And yet it is a defense in its own right, the arm that's made of metal whipping through guarding postures and taking several crushing blows. The rippling rings of metal that compose it dent and blur and lose their sheen, but don't break, though each blow does make Spiral roll backwards with it. And then:

Akihiro enters a certain range.

Spiral had grasped one of her swords with a backhanded grip, perhaps to stab into Volstagg and cleanse him as the Inuit clean their prey - the walrus. Instead that arm swings backwards in a direct arc followed by a halfmoon crescent as Spiral herself sinks down to a knee, as if bowing in respect in front of Volstagg. He might even take it as such (and if he exploits the opening, Spiral's helmet will ring most appealingly) EXCEPT

For the separation of tissue and bone in Akihiro's knee. Spiral throws herself backwards after that, inclining towards the side she's just injured, reaching down to grip the mostly-severed limb by the ankle and finish the job. "Raw, but you've got potential. Smouldering! Intense!"

She tumbles to the side, rising up and facing Angela directly. Raising the apparent grisly trophy, she says with an electric smile, "And enigma in the wings. Maybe we'll meet again. Keep an eye out!" The limb is raised in salute as she twists and contorts herself round -

With a flash, she's gone.


Akihiro hits the ground with a hard thud, his leg already starting to mend before Spiral hacks it off. It seems to take a few moments for the entirety of his situation to sink in, because a few moments later the teen screams. To his credit it isn't a scream of pain, it's one of pure anger and frustration. He sits up to better get a view of his wounded leg, and if anybody stops to actually look at it, they'd notice it isn't bleeding anymore.


"Yes. I will take the compliment in payment for it," Angela murmurs at the attendant, but not precisely audible.

She watches. Volstagg seems hardy but slow. Angela begins assessing the most efficient way to kill him, balancing speed for safety. Akihiro has shown a repeated favor for suckerpunching. Suckerstabbing. She files that away. Spiral, of the three, demands the most consideration.

The technique. The split attention. Like angels are taught to fight with their ribbons. It is sublime. When Spiral smoothly filets Akihiro, Angela doesn't even blink. In context, it seemed too natural for surprise.

When Spiral looks to her, Angela checks her grip on the blade hidden in her palm. Spiral's tone suggests fleeing, so Angela prepares—

Nope, teleporter. Nice.

Angela, unflappable for a Midgardian, replaces her hidden blade back into her belt. She crosses the platform and stops somewhere near Akihiro. She is intensely aware of Volstagg and his movements. Approaching her will trigger her readied action.

"No trade for us, then," she says to Akihiro. "Not for her. Do you wish to be moved before the local authorities claim you for questioning?"


As Volstagg hammers away, Spiral may get the acute sense that the Asgardian could do this for /literal/ days. You don't casually wear down one of his kind, not even the fat ones. And hey! Some of those Dwarven limbs like he was thinking about earlier. Neat!

He /does/ in fact go for the decisive blow when Spiral seems to stagger, but she flips away after her strike against Akihiro, his hammer splintering and sticking in the boardwalk. Less neat. "By the odious stink of Nastrond!" he curses. "What gain you by this foul theft? What pettiness lurks in your bosom?"

Volstagg is now moved to actual, /thorough/ rage, knuckles popping as he steps toward Spiral and the young man's leg, wood cracking beneath his feet. He leans back and swings an outrageous haymaker with all - /all/ - of his weight.

She is gone. The fist powers through empty air, displacing it with enough power to emulate a strong gust of wind. He stumbles forward.

Volstagg's face is tense and morose as he just keeps careening from action to action. "No time for that, lass!" He does in fact approach, quickly. "We must hurry to those of the scarlet cross! Quickly, fetch a cinch for his limb!" He isn't even looking to see that Akihiro is already on his way to healing - and also not looking for whatever Angela has planned.


"Just give me a second please." Akihiro is clearly in pain, but the kind of pain somebody would be if they stubbed a toe, or had a minor spill. "Woah, woah. Volstagg, was it? It's fine. I'll walk it off."

What starts next is absolutely terrifying to watch if you aren't accustomed to that sort of thing. Bone starts to extend from the bloodied stump, eventually forming a foot. From there meat begin to cover the bone, and after bout fifty or so seconds any sign of injury (aside from the ruined clothes) have completely vanished.


Angela is a stillness in the middle of the ragescreaming and Kramercareening.

"Stop. Look. His healing factor is sufficient, you overbearing lout," she says.

Akihiro gets on with the gross miracle of biology and all that. Angela watches, impassive now as when she began this encounter. She eventually turns her head to listen more directly at the crowd, off the platform, and then begins to walk to the side facing away from them.

There should be a 'goodbye' or 'hey nice fight, random mutant and alien' or something here, but Angela is silent. If no one stops her, she hops off the back of the platform and disappears off into the park.


The Astronaut and the Girl Reporter don't stop anyone from anything.

The ride operator stares at Akihiro's reactions and tells himself with a mutter, "I must be seein' things…"

Yet miraculously enough the ride is intact and there isn't even a whole lot of mess. Once the mutant and Volstagg the Villain-Smiter have cleared the decks… the day will be saved!

Probably. Mostly saved.


Akihiro gets GROSS

Volstagg practically skids on his heels when the bone starts shooting out. "Why, so it is!" he says, grinning. Again - Volstagg is old /for an Asgardian./ He has seen some /shit/.

"Well!" He claps. "Excellent! Perhaps now that the ruffians have been swept away, we can move along to…" Volstagg's expression doesn't change as Angela just bails, jumping away. "…introductions."

He stands there for a moment, smiling placidly as Akihiro's leg explodes outward from its stump in a cyclone of meat and gore.

Something inside Volstagg just fills up and he goes 'welp, that's enough of all this for now'. He turns away, walking down the boardwalk like this was just an ordinary day, cupping his hands to his mouth. "FAAAANDRAAAAL!" he shouts. "HAVE YOU SEEN HOGUUUUUUN? FAAAAAANDRAAAAAAAAAAL!"

Oh, did you think he was going to stick around and investigate? As far as he knows, this is just how things go down here! Also he is hungry, leaving a desolation of empty food stalls in his wake. Look, he already has a stack of fried dough. Normally, not sold in stacks.


Akihiro nods slightly at the introduction bit, "Akihiro Howle.." but just sort of trails off as everyone leaves. "If this doesn't just neatly sum up the last eighteen years, I don't know what will." he sighs, flexing his new leg a bit before wandering off. Clearly the park is no place for him now that he's caused a scene and lost half his jeans and a boot.

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