1963-10-16 - The Party Van Plan
Summary: The young of every species are the same, it seems. Noh-Varr explains alien things to Lucy, she explains party vans — they make plans to acquire one of their own.
Related: None
Theme Song: None
noh-varr karolina 


Noh-Varr isn't far from a candy shop, sitting on a park bench with a small brown paper bag. He takes out small brown squares of fudge, taking small bites of them to savor the flavor. "I can't believe we don't have this, fudge is one of the most fascinating human inventions so far…" he says to himself before munching the rest into his mouth.

It's later in the aftersoon, so there's still a bit of light out.

*

Lucy doesn't come back here too often but she's still looking for work and she wants to get some interviews in while she still looks respectable Besides, she's hoping to catch up with someone and, today, she gets lucky. Noh-Varr stands out in a crowd — don't ask her why, he just does — so, when she sees him, she darts across the street, ignoring an angry cab horn and a shouted curse, to get to him.

"Noh-Varr?" This time, she doesn't seem nearly so irritable as during that fight in the park. "There you are, I knew you'd be back here!" Lucy, triumphant.

*

"I discovered fudge!" Noh-Varr shouts back at her, with a wider smile than when he was casually shooting Demons from Beyond. "Have you ever had fudge before? It's amazing." He offers the back of fudge over for her to take one.

*

"Ooh, fudge. Not in ages. Thanks!" Lucy helps herself to one and then flops onto the bench beside him. "Gosh, I've been run off my feet. Who knew I could be busier than I was when I was back home? Sorry I missed you last week. I ended up having lunch with that Thor guy, the one with the big hammer, and everything. And Liv bought me clothes and shoes." She lifts her feet to show off her shiny shoes. "I got vampire dust all over these the other night, though. Took ages to get it off. Have you just been…eating?"

*

"I fought living human corpses the other day, but mostly eating." Noh-Varr casually says as he continues to chomp down fudge. "I wonder if that's a common problem on Earth. I've never heard of a vampire, it's difficult to learn absolutely everything about this planet without a source of digital data transfer. Everything is so primitive… except for fudge."

He looks over at her, eyebrow raised curiously. "What's a majesdanian doing on Earth?"

*

"You said that before." Lucy turns to face him, tucking one foot up under her. Now that she's not hungry and fighting monsters, she's more curious than grumpy with him. "I don't even know what that means. What's a majes-thingie? I didn't even know I was anything until a couple months ago."

*

"A race that comes from the planet Majesdane. It's located under the corona of a white dwarf star somewhere. I've obviously never visited, as I prefer remaining unmelted. How is it even possible that you live on Earth without knowing what you are? You're essentially star people." Noh-Varr explains, reaching over to very quickly poke at her face with his finger and pull it back. "I've never had any diplomatic relations with Majesdanians, I only read about them, just in case. I assumed they'd be hotter."

*

"I'm…" Lucy sputters. "Looks aren't everything, you know." She's offended again, her jaw set and her lower lip threatening to push out in a pout. Boys are the worst.

"All I know is since I was a baby, I wore this bracelet." She shows her wrist — it's a strangely shimmery thing and it doesn't seem to have an opening but she did manage to get it off last time. "I was told I always needed to wear it and I guess I never had any reason not to. My parents said it was important and got upset if I even thought of taking it off. This summer, because I found out people were lying to me, I tried pulling it off and it just came away like magic. And I went all shiny and floaty. I had to run away so I never asked anyone about it."

*

"What does your base body temperature have to do with your looks?" Noh-Varr asks, looking absolutely confused. But then he leans down and rubs his chin, taking a look at her bracelet. "Interesting technology. I don't have the right equipment to properly analyze it, but I'd guess it was some sort of energy suppression tool. Do you feel less drained when you wear it? That'd support the hypothesis. But I have no way to confirm with what's available to me right now."

*

"Oh, for…" Lucy huffs at him. "Around here when you say a person is hot, it means they're pretty or handsome. Attractive. If you say someone isn't hot, you're saying you don't like their looks." Someone needs remedial North American culture, stat.

"I feel pretty good when I wear it, I guess. I never take it off for more than a minute or two unless I have to fight something, which I think I did maybe three times ever." Lucy spins the bracelet on her wrist, looking thoughtful. "I was always faster than other kids, and I got thrown off more ponies than I can count, because I always ride too fast, and I just kinda bounced. My parents always said it was because I ate healthy. But I guess whatever this does, it can't stop me from being…weird."

*

"Oh. Then you're figuratively on fire." Noh-Varr nods, apparently daring to play around with English a bit. "Well, no, your physiology is incredibly different from a human's, though you're humanoid. Most humanoids in the galaxies I've visited are generally compatible, so you can mate as much as you like." he assures, as if attempting to assess the desires of someone who's grown up on Earth. "At least I think so. I read that Majesdanians are energy based beings, but not actually made of gas. I could be wrong, but I'm rarely wrong."

*

"Thank you." Lucy is somewhat mollified by the compliment. "I'm not interested in 'mating', though, thank you, but it's good to know. I think maybe what you said about the sun was right, about the energy. I've always been sad and moody when it's grey. I grew up in California, where it's almost always sunny. It's so warm and beautiful in California, it felt like I was made to be there — it felt perfect for me and I was perfect for it. I guess that's why I don't want to be this Majesdane thing. I just want to be me. Just a girl who lives on Earth and belongs here. I wish I could just not be this. Be normal."

*

"The human perspective is so strange. I grew up in the Kree Empire. We rule over thousands of planets and races. The idea of a single race believing that it's the center of the universe is almost delusional." Noh-Varr reaches over to take her hand with his strangely gloved hand, trying to gently pull it over and stare into her palm. "Being on another planet doesn't make you abnormal. I've seen humans with strange abilities. And the Kree, my race, we value the idea of genetic diversity. There isn't a single member of the Kree with the genetic enhancements I was given at birth. This is simply the evolution of the species."

He looks over at her, very serious, though his tone is gentle. "If you think of yourself as human, then you're free to think of yourself as the natural evolution of your species. It doesn't make what you are wrong, you simply have a few different genetic needs and concerns. You still fit into this planet. I'm entirely stranded here, away from any members of my race."

*

Lucy is willing enough to let herself be inspected. Perhaps it's the natural result of her upbringing, always being measured and weighed and fitted and admired much like one of the ponies. "I don't know what I am, I just don't want to be like my parents. If they are my parents. They're not good people. I hope that's not part of my genetics." She makes a face at that idea. "I'm sorry you're stuck here. I guess if you're used to somewhere like you say, all those planets and races, this must be kind of claustrophobic and sad, this one planet."

*

"It's not so bad. Even with an empire of over a thousand planets, I'm attached to Hala, the place I was born. But I'm also from another dimension, so even if I found my planet, it wouldn't be -my- planet. I don't even know what the Kree are like in this universe." Noh-Varr laughs a little, releasing her hand. "My life probably sounds very strange to you. If it makes you feel any better, my people are usually blue, so I look very strange compared to the average Kree. I'm known as a pink-skinned Kree."

*

"It sounds strange but I am used to people from other places. My family knew people from other countries that seem like they might as well be on other planets. You're not sad?" Lucy takes a closer look at Noh-Varr's face, trying to gauge his expression. "I can't ever go back home, either. Even if I could, it'll never be home. That place doesn't even exist. My parents were a lie. They don't exist. I miss home, though. The lie. I miss my mom and dad, back when I thought they were good. I'd be sad if I were you."

*

"I'm sad, but I've had extensive training, both mental and physical, as well as various nanobots that give me full control of my body chemistry, so I can keep my mood under control. It doesn't mean that I don't have feelings, it simply means that I can ignore the distraction and think properly until it's appropriate to feel bad." Noh-Varr smiles slightly, resting his elbows back over the bench.

"It's necessary to remain undistracted if giant insectoid aliens that can suck out your brain through your scrotum are an actually plausible threat in your line of work. Or at least, former line of work." he says while once again keeping that casual tone through an entirely ridiculous sentence. "I'm trying to figure out what home means to me on this planet, and figure out what I'm going to do here. Perhaps we can do that together. Besides, if anyone bothers you, I can explode them with plasma grenades."

*

That particular alien threat makes Lucy giggle, possibly a little too much. She puts both hands over her mouth but it doesn't help. The giggles continue.

"It would be nice to be in control of all that," she admits, through her laughter. Getting the giggles is an occupational hazard for teenaged Earth girls and, apparently, Majesdanian ones. "I'll help if I can, but I don't even live anywhere yet. I'm meeting people, though. And you can do all kinds of cool stuff. You're super useful. I'm sure there's a place for you somewhere."

*

"I miss having a ship to pilot. Maybe I should find the Earth equivalent of a ship. Perhaps some sort of party van, as I heard them called." Noh-Varr suddenly stands, stretching, then cracks his neck from side to side. "Well, you can live where ever you want. I don't have any personal Kree flight technology with me, but you can fly with pure genetics, so that must be fun."

*

"I try not to fly. It draws attention," Lucy admits. "A party van is large vehicle that uses combustion technology like all the rest around here," she clarifies for him, getting up as well and smoothing out her dress. "The only flying people do in them is the figurative kind, when they're under the influence of intoxicants. It feels like flying. That's what they do in those vans. That and sex." She wrinkles up her nose at that. "So, if you wanted a mobile sleeping place where people will join you for drugs and sex, then that's what you want."

*

"None of this sounds particularly bad. Though I believe that humans have a strange fascination with slowly killing themselves. At least I'm genetically enhanced to digest all organic matter." Noh-Varr shrugs a bit helplessly. "Perhaps we should acquire a van, and then travel around the city, being awesome."

*

"Start a business, fighting undead things and demons and other aliens and all that? You know, I bet people would pay for that." Lucy laughs at the idea. "I need a real job, first. And an apartment. I'm sick of shelters and Liv's place is already crowded. Laura might help me get one. I'm sure she knows something about being awesome like that, too. She's not like us but she's not like other people, either."

*

"Or we can travel around in a van, and I can use my expert alien engineering to make the back of my van cooler than an apartment." Noh-Varr suggests, offering a brief and sincere toothy smile. "And we could start that business. And pick up other members. Perhaps we could be The Science Slayers, or something."

*

"See, now I wish my parents had just been honest with me. They could have taught me all kinds of cool alien stuff. I'm pretty sure they didn't just find me in a cabbage patch," Lucy says with a little scowl. "If they'd been honest, maybe…maybe we have a space ship and they never told me about it. They got here somewhere. And why avoid telling me unless they had something to hide. Maybe they didn't want me leaving and why would that matter unless they could leave." Lucy stops for a moment. "One of these days, I'm going to go back. And make them tell me. Because if we had a space ship it would be so much cooler than a van."

*

"Well, I'm a trained space pilot. I can also pilot interdimensional crafts, and space-time manipulation devicies." Noh-Varr explains, a little braggy, but mostly casual still. "If your parents have a space ship, that would be great. But I'm also not necessarily in the mood to fight Majesdanians for no reason. Perhaps I'll try diplomacy, if I ever meet them. But for now, we'll get a van… perhaps we could build a van. Don't you have junk yards?"

*

"We do. People throw away all kinds of things. I met a girl on the bus here who was really into recycling, making things from junk. She also didn't shower, which didn't speak well for the practice." Lucy sticks her tongue out. Bleah. It's one thing not to shower because you can't, another not to do it on some weird principle about being dirty. "You could probably even find places they throw out the really cool stuff. You should ask around. I don't think someone can build a space ship out of junk. Maybe Tony Stark could, but…"

*

"I can't build a proper space ship out of current Earth resources. And I doubt a human could build something that I couldn't. Though I suppose there are possibly secret Earth resources that I haven't learned about yet…" Noh-Varr carefully rubs his chin at the thought. "Well, either way. I'm talking about building a van, not a space ship. Perhaps we could call it the space van."

*

"Laura will know where to look, or Liv. I'll ask. It would be good to have a moving hideout. Walking back to somewhere safe — because the cabs and busses never go where there's fighting, of course — is really tiring. We should do it." Lucy could fly but that's beside the point. "And it'd give you something to do. Don't you have a job? Other than eating?"

*

"Laura will know where to look, or Liv. I'll ask. It would be good to have a moving hideout. Walking back to somewhere safe — because the cabs and busses never go where there's fighting, of course — is really tiring. We should do it." Lucy could fly but that's beside the point. "And it'd give you something to do. Don't you have a job? Other than eating?"

*

"Of course I don't have a job. There are rich people with cash in their pockets, I simply take that. They never know, and most of them commit crimes to become that rich." Noh-Varr is reminded that he has fudge, and starts eating more fudge. "Ask them about resources. I'll build the van when you have them. And find a good place for me to build."

*

"I guess I'll find you somewhere there's fudge, will I?" Lucy looks amused with him.

*

"I come to this park a lot, a lot of interesting things happen here. If I'm not here, I'm investigating things." Noh-Varr reaches over to lightly pat her head. "I'll teach you combat techniques once we've settled down."

*

Lucy laughs at having her head patted. Getting annoyed with him for it is like getting annoyed with the sun for coming out. "I'll see you as soon as I have information," she promises. There's a cab and she's got a little money, so she waves it down. "I'll see you before Halloween, for sure, Noh-Varr. That's our candy holiday. You're going to love it!"

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