1963-11-03 - A Kindlier, Gentler You
Summary: Sif finally pays a visit to Fandral; what promises to be scorched earth, turns out to be puppies and sunshine!
Related: Yes, but don't feel like linking.
Theme Song: None
fandral sif 


Almost two weeks have passed since Fandral gave himself to Amora, and came close to dying in the process. His color has been slow to return. His body has been resting. While he has gotten himself up for meals, the normally jovial man has been more quiet, keeping to himself except when visitors force their way into his room. Many thought that by now that Fandral would be back to his old self but the missing pieces that the Queen kept has left Fandral altered in some fashion and it remains to be seen if these changes are good.

*

Sif had her own things to do. Setting up for a movie, and basically ensuring that the horses were well taken care of. Those sorts of things. She's learned the news of Fandral when it happened, and thought to give him at least a little bit of space before she attended his bedside.

But she raps gently upon his door, listening for a sound of a giggling woman or otherwise, then properly lets herself in. There was no sense in him turning her away now, she's made the visit. "Fandral?" She calls out quietly, hoping to not disturb his slumber. "I am entering."

*

Fandral is quietly reading in his bed, and no females are present when she enters. He gives her a smile as she enters but it's more friendly than flirty, "Lady Sif, how good of you to check in on me. How are you doing this day?" There is no sense of friendship in his manner, just the professional courtier greeting someone he works with, "It appears there are congratulations in order. If I have not offered them already, I am gladden to hear that you and Thor have found each other."

*

That.. was unusual. Sif pauses in the doorway, her breath held, which was slowly released as she steps fully in. The door was carefully closed behind her, her lips pursed tightly as she approaches the side of the bed, gesturing to an open space nearby. "I am well. But may I sit?" She does note the cold demeanor, and it nearly pains her heart. But what type of woman would she be if she expressed this as much?

"I am fine, however. Living as living may get. Though, lets not speak upon myself. How are you feeling?"

Whilst he gives his congradulations, she slowly settles upon the bed, one leg drawing over the other as she leans forward to lace her fingers upon her knee. There was a sullen quietness about her, her eyes watching his own, her head dipping ever so faintly to offer up a smile. "How very kind of you to say.." And.. she was at a loss. This was so unlike him…

*

Fandral motions for her to sit and once she does, he puts the reading material away. He gives a polite smile but it's different and looks odd on his face, "I am feeling much better, thank you for taking the time to inquire. I believe after this week, I might even be well enough to be making my rounds." He settles his hands in his lap, "Of course, I may need a little exercise since I've been abed for so long but soon enough I should be able to retake my duties m'lady." He gives a nod which is given to those of royalty and of course as his prince's intended she is given such respect.

*

Her jaw tenses as she studies him, her eye even squinting just a touch. With an inhale, her eyes close and her fingers presses against the bridge of her nose, rubbing incessantly. "Fandral.." Sif starts out, her voice obviously pained. He.. was almost like Amora, Amora who had her own emotions supped out from her soul. And it nearly pissed her off.

Her hand strikes out with the quickness, attempting to give him a good and solid slap upon the cheek. A slap reminiscint of that fateful day he confessed his feelings for her, a slap born out of desperation now where previously, it was anger.

*

Fandral pauses as she gets a pained look on her face, "Lady Sif, are you unwell? Perhaps you are in need of assistance?" Then she moves to strike him and he watches her hand as it comes towards him. And for just a second, there's a flare of emotion, confusion and anger, before it disappears as his hand comes up and he gently catches her hand before she can strike him, "I do not know what I have done to offend m'lady but please advise so I can apologize." He lets her hand go almost as quickly as he catches her. His temperature is not normal, it's cooler and that's the hint that he's still not himself.

*

Thankfully, it -was- half-hearted. Either way, Fandral was skilled enough to catch even the Lady Sif's hand, so she was not surprised that he stopped her cold. But she saw it, just those few little blips of emotion, and felt the coolness of his touch, where he used to run hotblooded even just beneath the fingertips. "You do not know what you have done?" She asks..

Then rises from the bed, her arms clasping around herself, holding herself, a slight stalk back and forth. "You gave something of yours away, why?" No, she understood why, she just needed to hear his reasoning as he is now. But even as she paces, she returns to his bedside, closer still, her hand reaching out in attempts to press upon his chest. "Tell me why? Why did you feel the need to do such? One can only speculate and made an ass, instead of preference to hear from ones lips!" It was a near plea, one that causes her face to turn a slight shade of red. "Tell me why my friend, my brother feels so cold to me. Where is thy love?"

*

"I don't know why…" Fandral lowers his hand and looks at her with a mixture of frustration and confusion, "It is one of things that eludes me m'lady. I remeber…bits and pieces. I know that we have been close but…" He points to his heart, "I feel nothing but emptiness when I look upon you. And I have enough pieces to know that I should feel more but it is…gone." He shakes his head in regret, "And I assume that I know will face consequences for this…this action. I interfered with Lady Amora's punishment. It was not…not something I should have done." He says it matter of factly but there is no emotion behind his words, "There are sparks…of feelings but they go as quickly as they come."

*

Sif, for once, didn't know what to do. Should she embrace the change and call it fate, should she willingly coax his love for her out of him, should she.. she just didn't know. But she hears his words and pains him, and an incredible sorrow falls over her. And he was right, his punishment will come down upon him by the hands of the All-Father soon. "Oh Fandral.." She says, slowly drawing her hand down to clasp his into hers, holding his hand tightly as she shakes her head.

"Do not focus upon your feelings for me.. whatever they may have been for now. Focus upon the joy of the life that you've always seemed to have, even in the darkest of moments.." Did he do this because of her? "..tell me. Do you remember when you were first presented to the All-Father? Can you tell me of that story?"

*

"All-Father?" Fandral tries to think of that time but his swiss cheese head isn't cooperating and he shakes his head after a moment, "No…I don't remember our first meeting." He closes his eyes for a moment, tries to focus and shudders as a feeling of cold just eminates for a moment as he tries to force himself to remember. He breathes and she can see it before him, "I remember the sentencing of Lady Amora…she tried to bring plague against Odin's celebration. I warned the Beloved of her transgressions. I led to her punishment but it was a just punishment. Why would I interfere?" He gets confused again. It's clear that he's a little flustered at the moment as he struggles between what he knows and does not know.

*

Sif shakes her head, slipping a little bit closer. "No. Fandral. Not that night. Not -of- that night, but Odin."

She urches on, bringing his hand close to her heart enclapsed with hers. "Farther back. When you, Hogun, and Volstagg were but young men in the cusp of wielding shield and sword. When you first took up your duties as Warriors of Asgard. Tell me, Fandral.. how this came to be? Remember! Remember the joy you felt when first blows were struck. When you've returned to us, alive, merry, regaling tales of your battles over mead and the swooning of many women. Tell me, Fandral.. of when your eyes first set upon your wife. When your heart doth flutter, and when those little moments, those tiniest moments.. your heart was filled with joy. Can you?"

*

Fandral thinks for a moment and then speaks slowly, "I remember swearing on knee to the All-Father to protect Asgard and the Nine Realms. I remember my brothers…warriors…my friends." He gives a geniune smile for a moment when he thinks of the other two members of the Warriors Three, "And Thor…I remember serving him and the other Odinsons when needed." He looks to her, "You've been there too, fighting by Thor's side." He gives a shake of his head, "You didn't like me…my ways." He's an odd thought, "I liked you though…tried to get your attention by being outrageous…" He pauses as more memories come, "I shouldn't have tried though…should I? I was being foolish." The last phrase was said in a dead pan voice as he loses the thread.

*

There was a little smile that dawns upon Sif as she listens, her head tilting slightly from the side as she gives a soft nod of her head. Though, his last words.. spoken with such emptiness has her hand releasing from his, her own reaching up to clasp against her lips, looking out towards the door with the need to flee. But she couldn't leave him this way. She had to incite -something- in him.

"Fandral.." She says quietly. "You shouldn't have."

Her jaw clenches as she takes in a breath. She was hurting, and this was going to hurt as well. Though who? It remains to be seen. "You knew within your heart of hearts my eyes were only for Thor. Perhaps.. mayhap.. if that time when you confessed your heart to me, if you would have followed it up with but a kiss, then thine own gaze would have been shifted!" Guh, she hates this. "But nay, honorable Fandral is he." She stands, set to pacing again. "Good-hearted Fandral is he. Coward Fandral is he, who doth not take his lady love by the waist and press upon a kiss that he so easily squanders to another!"

*

"You were never mine Lady Sif," Fandral admits to her after a long pause, "As much as I hoped, wished that his rejection would turn your heart, I did not feel anything from you that night that indicated that you would even entertain me…as more than a friend." He feels an odd feeling, a stab in his heart but it is dull, distant not like before, "You lie to yourself if you think a kiss from me would have changed things. I have never been anything more than a friend, a barely tolerated one at times because you find me…appalling." He says that last bit with a hint of a smile and then it's gone again. The threads are so lose in his memories, it comes and goes and the emotions are sometimes there but others are just empty memories.

*

"And what did I say to you that night? Do you remember? That if our loves, wishes and wants were not met, we would return to each other. Did I not?" She shakes her head then, squaring off towards the bed. "Gods be damned, Fandral, if another tells me how -I- felt when they've cared NOT to ask -ME-." She lets out a hiss of air, continuing her pace.

"I tell myself lies. Tch! I find you appalling. Tch! You know me best, Fandral. Better than I know myself. Yes. -That- is it!" She snaps her fingers, then shakes her head. "Did you know that about me? Fandral? That I do believe in what midgardians call fairytales. That I do believe that but a kiss, would sway the heart. That I do believe in love and all that entails. The secrets that mothers whisper to their daughters and fathers tell their sons. That there -is- love at first sight and second feel by the touch of the lips." She shakes her head, then. Sorrowful. "Why did you do this to yourself.."

*

Fandral thinks, thinks really hard for a moment and then tells her, "I lost hope…" It's said almost in wonder, "I didn't matter anymore. She mattered, her pain mattered. I had to give her me…because I was too much. I felt too much. I loved too much. I gave too much. I needed to give her everything so I could be free." He gives her a crooked smile of a man that is broken but does not seem to regret it, "I am free Lady Sif. I no longer feel what I did before. I have given myself to another and now I am freed." He reaches out and takes her hand in a tight grip and for a moment that hand is pure ice before it thaws, "I had to see winter so spring could be reborn. You are too early, I was woken too soon and now you have me inbetween…what I was and what I will be." He lets her hand go and stares off for a moment.

*

Sif listens, her head shaking in pure denial at his words. But she's felt the same thing. The same feeling that nearly made her want to scorch the earth and give everything up. SO she understands, even when he takes her hand, and it settles her upon the bed, her head bowed with cold acceptance. No.. not cold.

It burned. Her eyes. Which were soon wetting with tears. The nerves wake up within by way of her lips which set to tremble.

Even as he stares off into space, seemingly gone from this world, she begins to weep. Quietly. A hand that covers her mouth, a rocking back and forth that spills her dark hair to cover her features. She couldn't rouse him from this. Did she believe he too far gone? "I rejec.. reject this cartharsis.." She hisses through quiet tears. "..I like it not!"

*

"I don't care…" Fandral smiles with brittle anger that has so faded that there's no heat there, "Your likes and desires are no longer my concern. You are with who you were meant to be." He motions to the door with a dispassionate look, "And I am being reborn…spring will come again Lady Sif. But it will not be in the likeness that he was before. I have felt the bitter chill of winter and it has changed me."

He reaches out to take one of her tears and then looks at it. He stares at it for a moment and then he shudders. Something hard and fast rips through his body and he gasps as he rushes forward to grip Sif in a death grip and a voice, the old Fandral's voice grits in her ear, "Kill me Sif…kill me now. It has taken me and I am not what I was. Kill me and stop the vision of the Queen or I could be your undoing. Kill me and free me from my prison." He starts to get really upset, torn, angry, fearful and then nothing…he lets her go and murmurs in his new voice, "I am sorry…that was…disturbing. Perhaps I am not ready for visitors yet Lady Sif."

*

"Fandral, you can't mea—.." Right when her plea was reaching it's height, right when she was to throw herself upon him to hug him for one last time, he takes her tear.. then lunges!

It was a pure shock that is written across Sif's face. "Let me go!" She shrieks out, not willing to hurt her once-friend, her could-have-been lover.. but she draws her shoulders upright in a slight struggle that immediately ceases as her eyes widen at his words. Her own hands struggle, gripping and grabbing at his shoulders. Keeping them locked within that embrace until he lets go. She saw him there. Their Fandral. Her Fandral. Fandral the Dashing who held fear within his true face.

She draws in a slight breath, her hands lifting as he draws away from her, her hair soon smoothed back and her fingers brushing against her cheeks to wipe away the tears. "Very well, Fandral.." She says, her voice slightly hoarse. She rises from her seat, fixing her blouse upon her person as she keeps her chin upright. "..I shall see myself out."

She had to tell someone. She had to tell Thor, Loki.. even the All-Father. Because after this night?

Sif may launch a one woman war against Karnilla that will threaten all of the Nine Realms, and herself.

*

Fandral moves swiftly, as if sensing the change of mood in this woman and then the creature that is wearing Fandral's skin touches her face and murmurs, "It was nothing Lady Sif…nothing to be concerned about. Fandral had a momentary lapse. He was just upset because he couldn't remember things…painful memories. He's broken…he will need more time to heal…" And then the new Fandral uses his powerful abilities to give a soothing feeling over Sif to make her feel as if nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Fandral will get better.

*

Sif was one to wear her emotions upon her sleeve. Fandral, the real one, could possibly read her intentions with a tick of an eyetwitch or a sudden movement. That cool demeanor was telling. It was scorched earth, that coolness. That heat and fire behind the eyes, and it was met with a cold hand upon her face and a shocked look of… resignation?

"Oh! Right!" She nearly exclaims, albeit softly. Her shoulders slump into ease, her head tilted against the hand that touches her cheek, which she touches as well to hold him there, fondly. "Yes. Fandral is just upset. Fandral will be fine, he will get better. I know it." She leans forward, attempting to wrap her arms around the creature in a hug, keeping him close to her, cheek to cheek. "Everything will be as it was, right? You will be better.. and we can adventure again. Like old times?"

*

Fandral holds her her close and gives those feelings of hope, "Yes…soon he will heal and be ready to go back to adventuring with all of you. His relapse is only momentary. He'll be fine. It's all good. Fandral is doing much better." He closes his eyes and then floods her body with the right mix of concern and hope, manipulating Sif on a level that the old Fandral would have never done. He then lets her go…paler, weaker but more relieved, "Thank you Lady Sif. Your visit was very helpful." He gives her a squeeze and then is a little woosy as he moves back to the bed. Using his powers in such a weaken state wasn't wise but necessary. So necessary. He couldn't let her leave the room being so angry and concerned.

*

Sif nods her head, her cheek brushing against his own as a smile comes over her. Relaxed. Easy. Pure happiness at seeing her friend. Everything is going to be fine! Everything is going to be good! Gosh, she nearly wants to draw upright to pull Fandral into a dance, one that was complete with a song sung from her very own lips. And it has been -ages- since she's felt this way. Hopeful. Believing. Concerned but.. happy.

She pulls away now, her smile wide, her hands clutching his one final time as she rises from the bed. "Yes. Rest. Please. I shall order Hilda to bring the finest meats and fruit to aid in your recovery." She laughs, then offers the brightest of waves, like a school girl in a crush, and happily bounds out of the room, her dark hair swinging in merriment before the door closes behind her.

*

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