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After the fall.. Jean had woken up inside the medbay. How she had gotten there was a wonder, but she was glad that she was at least in a familiar place. But there was one thing she couldn't shake; those red eyes and pale face staring back at her. An effigy of evil in the darknest of all nights. Just the thought alone gives her the chills, chills that cause her hands to grip the blanket, drawing up to rest beneath her chin as she closes her eyes to try to shake it.
'He saw me.' The bird says quietly within her mind.
"Are you scared?"
'No. But you are. And you should be.'
Jean turns over in her bed, keeping the sheets drawn as a knock is heard upon the door. One of the nurses wanted to check upon her, but Jean herself would have none of it. "Go away!"
"But Jean.." Nurse Anne calls out.
And with a flare of anger, the greens of her eyes burn with a fire that mimics the fear and anger of it all, pulsing brightly until the sound of a body drops behind the door. Nurse Anne fell asleep. Imagine that.
'You did say to leave us alone.'
*
*
It's not half a minute later when Jean hears a second set of footsteps in the hall, the mind kneeling down by Nurse Anne, who wakes groggily and with a quiet exchange of words heads back the way she came. There's no knock this time, instead a stern but kindly voice sounds in her head; <Jean..I think it's time to talk.>
*
Crap. She really wasn't expecting Charles to come down here. It wasn't as if he was a neglectful sort; but the man is busy saving lives and she was but in a sea of millions.. at least that's what she thought. « I don't want to talk. » She sounds out, letting out a little sigh, her hands smacking against her legs as she turns to face away from the door in a slight moment of a fit. « I just want to be alone. I can deal with it myself.»
*
«But you're not alone as it is, are you?» Charles thinks gently, still on the other side of the door. He adds, «Thank you for looking after her. And for sparing those people.»
*
«No..» The voice, it almost sounded sad. Like a child who was just scolded for an attempt at lying.
Though there was an apparent silence from the room, the door itself clicks and turns, pulling back so that Charles could see but a crack of what was inside. But could he feel it? There was a slight fondness that hung in the air, perhaps it was from the Phoenix, or Jean. Maybe both.
*
One hand settles on the door, pushing it inward just enough so Charles Xavier can slip into the room, taking that as an invitation. He got no answer from that other presence…but he recalls enough from the last time it had worried Jean to be fairly confident it's there. He perches himself on one corner of the bed, hands in his pockets. "..It sounds as if you've had a rather hectic day."
*
Jean could hear him well and fine, even as he perches himself upon the corner of the bed. That little perch causes her to shift, turning over carefully to not kick him upon the backside as she does, settling into the pillow with a curl of an arm around it, one green eye staring out towards him with a slight nod of her head. "It was.." She frowns slightly, a slight inhale taken. "And thank you for helping me. I.. I just let.. Everyth.." She grunts quietly. "I'm just stupid. I shouldn't have been there."
*
"Some more caution perhaps would have been advisable," the British professor remarks with a slight smile. "But you were doing it because there were people suffering, people in desperate need of help. Even if next time there might be ways to improve tactically, that impulse is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of."
*
Jean couldn't help but laugh a little, her head nodding ever so slightly as she glances off towards the side. There was a little quietness there, her chin lifting in a faint sort of nod. "She said that I'm never cautious." Not lately at least. Her eyes close again, her head nodding. "In other words, I should remain here. Or remain close. Or remain near to someone who could and would take better care of me than myself."
'You have me.' The voice murmurs, and with that voice, small grasps of Jean's hair rises in reply of that small gesture of affection.
*
Well, thankfully caution is something that can be learnt with time and effort. You already have the part that is far harder to learn." Xavier pauses a moment as if considering.. then addresses Phoenix again. "It's been some time since we've spoken, Phoenix."
*
"Which part is that?" Jean asks quietly. Though, once he actually addresses the Phoenix, Jean actually winces. It was with a sigh that she slowly pushes herself from the laying position she was in, her eyes closing, her fingers rubbing slightly against her eyes, drawing upward to push her tugged hair down against the back of her head. Those eyes remain closed as she finally speaks, the voice was her own.. but yet there was a subtle hitch within that only Charles himself could detect.
"We've had nothing to say to you, Charles."
*
"Compassion." Charles replies simply. "For those that lack it, that can be the -much- harder part to learn." possibly a more accurate comparison than it would normally be, considering present company. He lets out a breath as Phoenix speaks, nodding. "I thought that might be the case."
*
Compassion. Even if she felt she wasn't right for the world, she still had it for people. That at least was a godsend. That possibly was the last thing that she heard as she took a backseat to the bird that rode and joined with her. "You thought that might be the case. Then why did you ask?" It was a simple question, though not one born of malice.
*
"Because I think you might be wrong about us having nothing to speak about." Charles answers honestly from where he sits. "We both of us care for Jean, for example. That might be a good place to start."
*
"Yes." The woman answers. "We do, as a matter of fact." The blankets were fiddled with, rolled slightly and placed upon her lap ever so neatly. She even focuses on that task, as if it were the most important thing in the world, for her attention was purposely narrowed for this little chat.
"But in different ways. Yours is a more broad approach, where as mine is narrow. For I -am- her. And she is me. And I will never let her go. You." A hand lifts, a finger slowly uncurling to point. "Want to see her better. Yes. See her stronger. Yes. See her as a tool to be used. A hammer to crush opposition that does not embody your values and beliefs."
*
Xavier smiles wanly, seeming if anything a touch amused. "If you think that is what I want from her, then I don't believe you know me very well at all." he answers delicately. "I believe that power is meant to defend those who can't defend themselves."
*
"And at what cost, Charles Xavier?" She asks, quite pointedly. "Is our soul, going to be that cost?" She leans back slightly, then rocks forward again, her gaze lowering towards the sheet upon the bed as she slowly begins to rock. Her hand even lifts, drawing her hair into her fingers to twirl around in silence. And then she speaks, "I often wondered, when I first touched her, what -you- would do if she were to cross that line. To take a life. To willingly allow us to snatch those souls from the weak, little bodies of man to raise them to perdition. All in the defense of those who could not defend themselves. What would you do?"
"Admonish her, even though she was following your beliefs?"
*
"I think the part that you are missing, Phoenix, is that those weak little bodies -are- so very easy for you to destroy." he says calmly. "Yes, sometimes there may be no other means to protect an innocent than to take the life of their attacker. And if Jean was ever forced to that action, then I would not feel anger, I would feel sorrow that a kind heart like hers would have to do such a thing. But." and here his musing tone grows more firm as he meets her eye directly. "If you were to force her to kill someone, to snatch out those souls and raise them to perdition as you put it when you could have stopped them easily, when they could do nothing to threaten you, then that would be a terrible perversion of what I teach. And it would not be her I would hold responsible for it. Does that answer your question?"
*
"Yes." The Phoenix says, her eyes near vacant. "And no." And even though the jovial tone is gone, there was a little chill that runs down Jean's spine. Could it be Jean's own quiet little fear of the Professor? Or the Phoenix herself? It was unclear. But it was clear that she was testing him. Toying with him. So much that she smiles the sweetest smile, even though her eyes remain strange.
"We react in tandem, and at the base of our reaction is the desire to live." Jean lurches forward, an unearthly sight, both hands and knees upon the bed as she crawls towards Charles at an unhuman pace. And yet she stops, as if she were being restrained, then settles back upon the balls of her feet, closer.. yes. But held -back-.
"You do not realize that we are one in the same. I am her. And she is me. I had captured her soul the very moment she began to collect herself within the womb. The very second that the essesnce of her spread across the cosmos in that union of fate. To say that -I- and I alone would be at fault.. is preposterous, for deep down, what she wants. Is what I want. And what I want. Is what she wants. DO NOT confuse the two."
*
Charles meets her gaze steadily, though his head gives a small tilt at her words, as if considering them seriously. And then finally, "No. No, I do not think that you are." he finally concludes. "Perhaps you have been with her all the time she's been alive, but the same could be said of a person's twin. And despite many not being able to tell the difference between twins, they can none the less be -very- different people. You and Jean may not have different bodies, but." he taps the side of his head lightly. "I can sense your minds. And they are another matter entirely. But perhaps you'd answer a question of mine? Why -did- you seek out Jean, all that time ago?"
*
The concept of twins was not beyond Jean, nor the Phoenix. It was fascinating. Perhaps that's what she could at least relate to herself and Jean. Two of the same coin, different minds. But a sharing of everything. Her head tilts away a little, her fingers clutching upon her knees. As she speaks, the thoughts. The images, they play across her mind as she glances up towards the ceiling as if the sky itself could be seen.
"I heard her cry." She answers, finally after the time. The image of the vast and endless stars could be seen then, as well as fire that traverses across it like a comet. It was meant to be a simple journey. From one point to the next. An aimless wandering with no purpose.
And then? The scream. The begging, the pleading. From above, a little girl bloodied laid upon the concrete, while a smaller Jean held onto her. But they were wordless. The little girl's light faded fast, yet something sparked within the smaller Jean that pulled her back from the brink.
A girl, a little small thing, touched and pulled the spirit of another. Such power! And Charles could see everything.
*
Charles' eyes wide a bit at the projected vision— the sensation of a vast, inhuman presence hurtling, burning across the galaxy. And— and Jean. Little Jean, somehow connecting with that unknowable entity, showing that very same compassion Charles had only just been commenting on even as a little child, trying to save the life of another.
Charles' voice is quiet, a little awed. But not at Phoenix— "So small, and she did that herself..?" he wonders. Unless Phoenix answered Jean's call, helped her to save the other girl.
*
But there was a problem. Jean -did- attempt to stop her friend from dying. But the pull of death itself was infinite, final. Even though those small moments were held for one last time, Jean found herself hurtling towards the path of no return. The grip, the white hot grip of the Phoenix touched the soul of the little girl, and brought her back. It was a marvelous thing. Though it did something terrible. It awoken powers within her that were already premature, intensified, and left untapped.
"Yes. Because of love." Is all she says.
Jean's capacity to love had brought her there. And it wanted to experience it. A promise was made to return, for the Phoenix herself fled, leaving Jean to the terrible fate of hospitals. Uncontrollable bouts of rage. And finally, a comittal to the hospital where electroshock therapies and medication were all that was given to keep her at bay. She was alone. And it almost felt like forever.
"Wouldn't you have?" She asks, but then a smile dawns upon her then. "You did."
*
Charles' own expression shows sympathy as the story unfolds.. he knows something himself of the things that can go wrong with well-intentioned telepathy. So Jean nearly killed herself, clinging to the mind of a dying friend. He'd known of Jean's horrible bout at the mental institute, of course, but not the full details of what put her there.
At Phoenix' accusation however he laughs quietly. "As you said before, each in our different ways. But yes. I didn't want her to be trapped and suffering any more than she wished for that girl to have to die."
*
"And here we are." She states, both hands drawn out to encompass the whole room.
"We have reached an empasse. You called me out for a reason, Charles Xavier. State your intentions."
*
"I did." Charles replies. "I wanted to understand you better…and I think perhaps I've come to, a little bit. What are your intentions from here?"
*
There was a moment where Phoenix hesitates, her gaze soon averted towards the door. She then looks all around herself, then takes in an inhale of breath, blowing it out to the point that there was nothing left within her lungs. And another inhale, in which her shoulders slump slightly. "I do not know." At least this time? She was honest.
*
Xavier nods, accepting this answer for what it is. "Well, that's not so uncommon a thing amongst humans either." he says, a touch of levity showing on his expression. "..But. You must know you can't learn about Jean.. learn -from- Jean without letting her live her life."
*
Jean settles into her position, her feet spreading apart so that her bottom could touch the bed, her fingers idly scraping against her scalp again to tug lightly and pull at her hair. His words held a weight upon her, for there was some truth to it, and it nearly made her sad. Nearly. "In a world such as this? Where you people kill, torture, murder, rape and maim? Where your law authorities are nothing but predators to police and prey upon the weak?" She nearly looks appalled.
"I do not accept this. Will not accept this. When I am at my fullest strength, my fullest capacity, I shall take her and we shall leave this earthly coil." Her head nods with a little bit of a disconnected certainty. "Yes. This is my intention."
*
Charles listens to all of this, but rather than object he shrugs a bit, his smile almost a touch sheepish at this outsider's appraisal of Earth. "Yes." he says. "You are right about all of those terrible things in this world. ..But there is good, too. People like Jean. If all of those strong enough to simply leave to worry only about themselves were to do so.. who would be there to save other little girls, boys men and women like Jean when they were falling into darkness?"
*
A narrowed gaze is afforded to Charles then, a little grin, which was soon followed by a scowl. "Why, your merry band of children that you've adopted into your care."
A finger lifts, where she would have thrown Charles against the wall, Jean within tenses, and she tenses so much that her entire body begins to shake. "Leave our sight. We are done here!"
*
Charles stays where he is a beat or two longer, his expression unreadable. "…And what of what Jean wants?" he asks softly.
*
The inner voice that now belonged to Jean was quiet. Almost sad. < Don't leave. Please don't make him leave. > The woman frowns completely, her eyes nearly glazing over as she takes in a breath, her chin lifting as an aire of confidence washes over her. "She does not want you to leave. But I demand it!" Her hand lifts, a tendril of TK slowly begins to curl it's way towards Charles. It'll be seen as a ripple within the air, a movable current that advances.. draws back.. and advances again. It was clear, there was a fight going on, however subtle it was.
"That is the problem with you, this world! You do.." She struggles completely, her fingers curling as it tries to inch closer, and closer. "..not know.. when to quit!"
*
"Like that little girl you found so long ago?" Charles asks, his words quiet, even in the face of her raging. His eyes stay on hers rather than the rippling tendril of energy, even if there is a subtle tension in his frame. "Not our capacity to hurt, but our capacity to persevere for the sake of those we care for, isn't that what drew you here..?"
*
There was a soft gasp, her eyes wide and owlish, her fingers soon curling into themselves to create a fist which soon presses against her lips. All that he spoke of was true, yet why was she willing to cast him aside to be alone to do what she will? It was all so confusing, the myriad of emotions that drew from her, her body begins to slowly rock and she nearly bows into herself, a quiet sob nearly drawn out. "I'm tired.. of this.." She breathes out, "..I don't want to do this anymore!"
*
"Then perhaps it is time to rest for now." Xavier says, and there is a touch of sympathy for this strange alien creature, drawn in by something so beyond her understanding. She's powerful, and supremely dangerous. But not evil, precisely. Not really. She simply still lacks the understanding, that which ultimately, she came here to find. Who knows, perhaps if she is able to take the backseat in Jean's mind while still being vaguely aware, she might learn what she is seeking and be satisfied. Perhaps someday even be an ally, or a friend. "I can help."
*
"H..how?" The being asks. Though, there was a quiet nudge, a slight press of an invisible hand upon her shoulder.
«It'll be okay. He won't hurt us.»
She frowns a little, looking over her shoulder and then back towards Charles, her eyes brightening all the more as she reaches out for him to take her hand. "Alright.."
*
"By helping you rest. To be able to stay with Jean and learn what you wish to without it being so immediate or confusing." Charles replies, reaching out to take her hand. "Just let your thoughts be calm." he reaches out mentally, and if neither resident interferes, his astral form is soon standing over the rubble of that warm rustic cabin they had all helped build so long ago. He rolls his shoulders and spreads his hands slightly as if getting a feel for the core idea, the traces of it still lingering in this mental space. "Let's see what we can do about this, hm?" and with a moment to gather himself, he starts to rebuild it.
*
There was no hesitation, no resistance. Jean and the Phoenix both allowed the professor into her mental landscape..
And it was surprisingly peaceful. Full of green and life, out in the middle of the forest surrounded by a mountain. The cabin yes, was torn down and broken, but yet there was a quiet chirping of birds and a sun that shone high, yet the air was cool and brisk. Almost like a summer meets autumn feel.
Jean was standing there, much as she was now, all alone. A little smile drawn upon her lips as she walks towards the professor, even she too, looked exhausted. Smaller. A little frail.
"Would you like me to help?" She asks quietly. "Because I can.."
*
"Absolutely." he replies, turning to return the smile, and offering his hand in a mirror of reality. "This is for you, after all. And her."
*
Her hand reaches out to take his, only turning to face the ruined cabin. She was going to follow his lead of course, but there was a twinge of worry written across her face. "Would she be upset?" She asks quietly. "I don't want her to be angry.." But, either way, it was now or never.
*
"I…hope not." Xavier replies, because even if he did gain some new and very informative insight into the entity known as the Phoenix, as much as feels this really is the best way for her to gain what she seeks and for Jean to grow, such a volatile and passionate being is difficult to predict. "She said she was tired..I think as much as a rush living as a human is for her, it's overwhelming for too long. It would be better for you both this way, where possible."
That said he brings his concentration to bear fully on the cabin— beams and warm rugs and thick paned windows forming up around a very prominent rounded stone fireplace.
*
Jean could only nod. She was right. "It was an overwhelming day.." She confesses, but leaves that conversation for a later date. This, she felt, was more important. She truly felt that she would have hurt someone back then. But as the work had begin, Jean remained mostly quiet, assisting where she could, fortifying the foundations and adding in little touches of home that usually would keep her calm.
She even adds in a record player. Something that plays an old lulliby that her mother used to sing her after the death of her friend. It comforted her for a time, until things became too much.
But above, the firebird lingers, floating, giant wing span gently carrying her into the air until she descends upon the ground with a slight hop, that fire-form soon drawing itself out akin to a woman, same height as Jean, same shape. But no face. The fire that caresses the woman slowly begins to dim, fading into a white light that lances itself towards the door and entering in before it is shut. She was home.
*
Xavier's projection lets out a long breath… it's done. Through the windows the last touch, a rosy fire dancing warmly in the fireplace casts it's living light through the cabin, nestled in the calm forest and the crisp, cool air. "And now, I think you could do with some rest as well, hm?" Xavier says to Jean, letting go of her hand to pat her arm. "As you said, it was quite a day."
*
Those few little added touch did wonders. There was a certain quietness, a calmness that washes over Jean as she slumps her shoulders and settles upon the grass. Yes, she was tired. And with her hands free, she allows herself to stretch out upon the surface of the grass, her head nodding as she curls her arms underneath her head as a makeshift pillow. "I'm already sleeping." She says quietly, her eyes fluttering closed to join the other into a much, very much needed slumber.
*
Back in reality, Xavier blinks back to awareness, Jean curled up and resting finally. He gets to his feet, finds a spare blanket to pull over her and heads for the door. Nurse Anne will be glad to hear Jean calmed down, and with any luck the Phoenix will lie dormant for the foreseeable future as well. "Rest well." Xavier says as he heads out the door, and he means it for them both.
*