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Akihiro had been meaning to come speak to the Professor, but after his previous warm reception, he's been a bit worried as well. But not being one to let his fear get the better of him (when he can help it), he finally came back to Westchester. So here he is, the teenager that wiped out entire gangs, stopped robberies, and event went toe-to-toe with an Olympian, as anxious as a child that was sent to the principal.
"Professor?" he squeaks out, knocking on the library door.
*
If one stopped to think about it, it might be funny how Akihiro somehow knew exactly where the Professor was to be found as soon as he'd arrived at the school, but right he was. Xavier answers "It's open, please, come in." as soon as the knock sounds.
The library is empty on a Saturday evening, save for the professor who's settled in a soft chair with a cup of tea at his elbow, apparently taking a break from some paperwork with a good book. "It's been some time since we've spoken face to face, hasn't it?" he observes, though there's the same welcoming sort of smile on his face he so often seems to have.
*
"Not since that Louis person popped into the school uninvited." Akihiro says with a slight nod, entering the library. His outfit has completely changed, today he's in a sharp white dress shirt, a black brocade waistcoat with an oriental dragon pattern, high-waisted pants, and a pair of brothel creepers.
He heads over to take a seat near the Professor, taking a deep breath and rubbing his hands together. "I take it you're aware of what I've been up to?"
*
"I have an idea, at the least." Xavier says, his expression growing more grave. "Though it may be better if you were to put it into words. Would you care for some tea?" he asks, nodding to a thermos on one of the side tables.
*
"No thank you, I'm a bit nauseous." Akihiro says with a polite smile. "Weapon X, or now that I'm free?" He shifts slightly, obviously a touch uncomfortable. "It's not pretty, regardless of which way we cut it. I've killed a lot of people since I came to America."
*
"I know you have." Xavier replies. "And that is not something to be excused casually. But what matters the most right now Akihiro is what you want your life to be moving forward. You helped to save a good many people in that sinkhole earlier, you know. And I suspect deep down you have to know that hunting these men will not bring back your family. …So perhaps you should ask yourself if you truly wish to continue on the path you have been… and why."
*
"Why? That's simple." Akihiro does avert his gaze, it's obvious he isn't happy with himself. "They wanted my father so badly that they would kill my mother. Not only that, she was pregnant with /me/. What kind of person would do tha-" he pauses, brows furrowing. 'Romulus.' It is not said aloud, but thought quietly.
"Sorry, just not something I like to talk about." Not exactly a lie. "But that's the way the world is. The people I've killed knew that was a risk when they signed up and decided to experiment on us or run guns." But the faces of a few other teenager's that pop up say otherwise, they've all made poor decisions.
*
"I'm not sure you've entirely answered the question." Xavier says. He tilts his head a bit at that sensation, the snapping together of loose ends from Akihiro, though he lets it be for now. "You're right that people who take on dangerous work, mercenary work accept certain risks. And you are right that those participating in the Weapon X project are, to be frank, committing a terrible atrocity. But why are you targeting them?" Akihiro's 'simple' answer gave background, but sometimes what seems a simple cause and effect on the surface has a lot more going on beneath the surface.
*
"They lied to me. I was willing to believe that they had the country's well being in mind, but that had me put a reporter in the hospital. They're using us to target protestors, potential experiments, basically whatever the Director wants. I'm just doing what they trained me to do." Akihiro defends himself, and he's not lying. Though truth be told, he doesn't know exactly /why/ he keeps doing. Maybe some misplaced sense of honor and duty.
"I was raised to be a samurai. I learned to use a bow, yari, and conduct myself like I was superior. Then I got tossed in and forced to learn to be an assassin." His eyes close entirely now. Emotions bubble forth, mainly hate and fear. Flashes of the snow, the torture, and the intructors. It was no Institute. "I don't know how to do anything else."
*
"In many ways the true measure of a person is how they choose to treat someone they have power over. Considering the history the Weapon-X program has of that, I find it very difficult to believe those that run it are truly possessed of a concern for the greater good." Xavier says with a grimace. After what happened to Jean and Akihiro himself at their hands, Moira's continuing investigation is redundant really, at least on that point.
"As to not knowing anything else, Akihiro…" Xavier continues gently, "I think that what happened at Grover's Mill would prove otherwise. You went there seeking to kill, but you left there seeking to save."
*
"It's not the first time. When I first got into New York I stopped a handful of crimes, and even saved a sarcophagus from the museum. Things just change." Akihiro reaches up to rub at the bridge of his nose. "And sometimes I'm not even myself. You should have seen us trying to escape, or the monster I turned into fighting that monster in the rear grounds. Besides, my friends," he practically spits the word out, "made it clear what they think about me."
*
"Situations change. It's up to us to decide how we let them change us." Xavier answers. "And yes, Logan and Jean were angry, bitter. They consider you unreliable. Though for my part I'm curious what you think."
*
Akihiro nods slowly, fists clenching. "I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I never said I was making the correct choices, but somebody had to do it." He finally looks back up at the Professor. "Can you say you'd have done it different if you were in my shoes? Being an animal isn't all it's cracked up to be."
*
"If you take away from this conversation one thing Akihiro, then please take away this: Don't ever tell yourself that you 'have' to do something." Xavier says quietly, meeting his eye. "That's precisely the things people like Stryker and Colcord tell themselves to justify their own atrocities. Choose the path you feel it is right, but always give yourself the dignity of choosing it."
At Ahihiro's own question, the professor lets out a breath, sitting back thoughtfully in his chair. "I could answer, but I think the better question really is if you would make the same decision now. And if not, then why? What is it you really are looking for, Akihiro?"
*
"I just want quiet. Not being hunted by Weapon X or the camp in Canada would be nice. As long as they're out there I can't do that. They killed my mother, tried to kill me, just to get Logan to Madripoor. What would stop them from doing the same thing to me?" There we are, it all comes down to Akihiro being afraid. "As long as I have to worry about that, I don't think I'll be able to stop."
*
"I know it's difficult. This shadow has been hanging over you since the day you came into the world, and every place you've turned for shelter has either abandoned or betrayed you. You've been pushed to the edge, feeling alone and trapped and afraid to be still. And it must seem as if the only chance you have is to take any desperate bid that presents itself if only to be active, in the hope it can finally end this, one way or the other." Xavier says, his brow furrowed. "..Something like that?"
*
"Yeah." Akihiro averts his gaze once more. "Originally when I came here I was going to talk to you about starting a sort of club to teach the students kendo and self defense. I wanted to apply for citizenship and get my ged. But now I'm off getting shot and blown up. Not really where I wanted to end up."
*
"I meant what I said to you before in Grover's Mill— you don't have to be alone with this." Xavier says. "And you're not the only one working against Weapon-X. Furthermore, a good part of the violence that has come to you since you came here was not of your choosing. If you're willing to work together on this, without seeking bloodshed, then.. we are still here. And you are still welcome to stay."
*
"I appreciate it." Akihiro looks back up and nods. "I'll work on it. But I won't come back if my presence will cause any issues. Glad I missed Jean on my way in."
*
"Jean," Xavier says delicately, "Has had quite a lot on her own mind, of late. But that isn't your burden to take responsibility for. If one mistake were enough to condemn a person, then I suspect precious few here would be in a position to point fingers, Akihiro. Not Logan, not Jean, nor I for that matter."
*
"Thank you, Professor." Akihiro pushes to his feet and offers another false smile. "I'll work on it. Try not to get into anymore bar fights or shootouts. Unless I don't have a choice, anyway."
*
Xavier stands up as well. "Then that's all I would ask. What about you?"
*
Xavier adds, "And please trust that any issues you might bring in returning are issues I think ought to be addressed in any case."
*
"Now? Now I'm getting back out there. Keeping an eye on a few things, and I don't want them to sit unattended too long." Akihiro is vague, but it's clearly nothing important. "I'll stop back by and check in on things when I have a chance."
*
Being vague is of questionable utility when a telepath is involved, but if Xavier catches any of the specifics he doesn't say anything to indicate it. Instead he nods, and offers his hand. "Then I look forward to talking again when next we see one another." and inwardly he resolves to make time to have a talk with Jean and Logan beforehand.
*
Akihiro nods, giving Xavier's hand a firm shake. "Alright, take care." He nods slightly, before turning to head back out and into the city once more.
*
"Take care, Akihiro." Xavier says, hands tucking into his pockets as the young man heads back out.
He can only hope that the troubled young man may finally be able to find some measure of stability in the days to come.
*