1964-01-23 - Get Some Sleep
Summary: Bobbi goes to check in on Peggy and is promptly told to get some sleep
Related: Shield logs
Theme Song: None
peggy bobbi 


Sunday night. Mickey and Daniel left about twenty minutes ago, Mickey needing to get into bed for school the next day and Daniel still did ACTUALLY have a job to do. Despite Peggy's repeated complaining, SHIELD hasn't been willing to let her free. Another few days, just to ensure all tests come back clear and she's certainly stable. What were a few more days, especially since she'd be on light duty anyway? Peggy grumped, bitched, grumbled, and finally ordered people into bringing her some files so she could work, but she's still not free. She's sitting up in the hospital bed they've moved into one of the lab rooms, down to just wearing two monitors, her graying red hair pulled sloppily back from her features so she can easily read the files in her lap. She looks almost identical to the woman who disappeared two and a half months ago… Noticably pregnant, but not huge as the woman who was killed. It's like she had been paused, or some such. Even her gray hairs don't require their monthly dye job.

*

Bobbi had been hard at work in the labs, helping to study the affects of the cryogenic stasis that those recovered had been placed in. Fluid tests, cellular analysis and other assorted treatments for the various people that had slowly been awoken had kept her on her toes. Caffine had become her mainstay, as it had since it'd been revealed that the Director of Shield had been taken.

Unlike Peggy, Bobbi looked down right haggard. Shadows clung to her eyes and her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail. Her lab coat was quite frankly, the neatest part of her person at the given moment.

So when she arrived into the room in the quiet of the chaos, bag in hand a mug of black liquid in the other, it was with a strained, tired smile. "Evening Ma'am." She offered, but there was a hesitation to her words. That easy going smile she'd always had was restrained.

There was a caution in those blue eyes that hadn't been there before. "I brought you some eclairs."

*

Despite what Bobbi's mind might think or remember, Peggy hadn't seen her old friend and agent in almost a year. She'd ordered the woman off on duty ages ago and been taken by the time Bobbi returned. The fact they'd not actually passed in the hall, or Bobbi hadn't visited her yet, had stung deeper than Peggy might admit. She knew the woman had been recalled. Recalled by someone she wasn't, but someone who had her face. Maybe there was a reason more than a few of her agents had been avoiding her. So it's a genuine surprise when she hears that familiar voice in the doorway, even behind a restrained smile.

Peggy's dark eyes jerk up, studying Bobbi with a mix of mostly restrained emotions, but she cannot entirely hide her worry for the blonde. "…You look like hell. I'm the one that's been missing for months. I'm the one that's supposed to look like that. Stop taking my part." Peggy mutters gently, her British tones not able to hide the heavy worry or gentle, loving teasing that comes with those words. "…and are they chocolate?"

*

A nod, and Bobbi moves to set the bag of sweets down beside Peggy's bed. "I feel like hell," She muttered dryly, perching on the edge of the stool that the doctor or nurse most likely took when they were in the room. A roll of wheels following as Bobbi dragged a hand over her features and took a long sip of her hot, pitch black coffee.

"And of course they are. Wouldn't bother with less. I figured the hospital food still sucks and that if I'd been asleep for months I'd die for something that wasn't complete shit." Her voice was stilted, without the force of humor behind her normally cheery personality. There was still that guarded look in her eyes, as if unwilling to accept the reality before her.

*

The bag is eagerly accepted, even if some nurse was going to be VERY unhappy with Bobbi later as Peggy was on a strict diet at the moment as they finished all their tests. Peggy nor Bobbi could give a damn less, it seems. She opens the bag and steals one out before passing it back in Bobbi's direction. "Eat with me. We'll get fat together, come on. Almost as fun as getting old." She offers with a slightly teasing smile. There is more of old Peggy. Not selfishly stealing the whole damn bag. She eats with her people. She shares her good fortunes. Even if it's just a chocolate eclair.

But she also recognizes that wary look in Bobbi's eyes. The hesitation of a woman who cannot quite accept reality. Peggy tears off an end piece of the sweet, popping it past her lips and taking a few savouring bites before she exhales slowly and begins. "The first mission I ever sent you on was a set up. I gave you more information than the boys. I tried to make it easy for you to show off, win the day, prove to the rest of the team you were just as good as them. You knew it from twenty minutes in. When you came back into my office, you…" Peggy laughs a bit at the memory, "You yelled. You were so pissed. You were ready to resign. We almost came to blows because I underestimated you. I never did it again."

*

Bobbi looked away, her jaw squaring as she kept silent for the duration of Peggy's story. For the questions both asked and unasked. The silence that hung heavy between them once the Director's tale of memory was over only deepened.

"I failed. After this.. after those bastards are either dead or finished.. I.. I don't deserve to be called an agent anymore." She spoke softly.

Her gaze swung back toward the pregnant woman, those blue eyes raking over the lines of her face, the way her hair parted, down to the blanket were her gaze halted. The agent's throat tightened and she took the time to avert her gaze once more to her cup. Both hands clasping around it firmly.

*

"Agent Morse, you stop that right this minute. Look at me. Wait, first, eat a god damned eclair, and then look at me." Peggy Carter mutters, her voice flat, forceful, very much an order and also very much a rallying cry. She cannot handle the crumpled, hurt, shamed look in the woman's features. She waits for some part of her words to be followed, at least, her dark eyes shift forward to search Morse's pale gaze with the same strength and charisma she's always had. Even from a hospital bed. "You failed nothing. I cannot imagine what would have happened if you discovered this… Earlier. If she washed you out of the agency. The damage could have been so much worse. And my own *husband* took weeks to realize something was wrong. This is not a failure. This is our life. The challenges always get harder. We know this. The only failure would be resigning now, tossing in the towel. Letting them win. If you keep talking that sort of nonsense, I'm going to suspect YOU are one of them, because that is not the Bobbi I know."

*

Blue eyes lifted and flashed with a surprising amount of self loathing within their depths. "I said I'd remain until those bastards were finished ma'am and I mean to. I have spent months studying their biology and their methods. I worked with Fitz in the labs for days straight, not only playing body guard but also to test and re-test blood samples. I have no intention of throwing in the towel now." She swallowed a hard lump in her throat, her voice tight but she did not lift a hand for an eclair.

"But I failed in my duty to notice what had occurred. Others noticed, and I pretended it was nothing. I let my ease with the established order of things blind me. I was lax. There was no excuse for it."

*

The sight of that self loathing, slightly breaks Peggy's heart. She wasn't here. She couldn't say much more about what her replacement was like, what people did. She just studies Bobbi's features deeper and then dares to reach one hand out to rest overtop of Bobbi's forearm. She gives a gentle squeeze, but doesn't pull back. SHe keeps that contact for now. "Bobbi… you are absolutely one of the best agents I've ever trained… I've ever worked with. But you have flaws. *We all do*. You work too hard and you are too loyal. This situation… it was ripe for exploiting those flaws. And now you're doing it again. You look half ready to collapse. When is the last time you slept more than two hours?"

*

Agent Morse went still as Peggy's hand settled on her arm. She seemed to have seized up like a statue. Rooted in place. Motionless. Still. Then a deep drag of air followed between parted lips, and Bobbi lowered her gaze. The firm line of her shoulders going slack as she bent her head forward under the weight of Peggy Carter's critical gaze.

"..They've been here for years, ma'am. How much of what I've done.. how much of it was by their direction? How much of my life's work has been by their orders? Everything I've worked for, I've told myself it was for the better. For the greater good. Even if my hands had to get dirty. Even if I did something terrible. It was for the good of something greater than myself." Her voice was soft, and exhaustion laced each word. She had wound herself so tightly, and driven herself to the edge all for the sake of not looking at what she shared now.

Finally, she answered the question. "Since the replacement was discovered.."

*

And Peggy is flawed too. One of her greatest flaws being how she cares for her agents. Cares for them like family. That should have been the one screaming obvious change between her and her doppleganger. Because the true Peggy can't watch one of her longest agents, and friends, half go to pieces with the self torture and doubt Bobbi is clearly playing over and over in her head. She uses that touch on her arm to draw her forward. SLowly, but surely, onto sitting on the edge of the bed right next to Peggy. And then Peggy's arm is shifting, around the back of Bobbi's shoulders instead of just touching her arm. It's half a hug and it's not one that Peggy is letting go.

"Bobbi Morse, sure you listen to me and listen to me now. Everything we have done has been for the good of this world. Even now. Your motivations do not change because someone tricked us for a while. I am back. SHIELD is SHIELD. Our mission has not changed. If NATO is compromised, then we go rogue. I already was… that is… is why they replaced me. We go back to that. The worst has been two months of… questionable things. But I'm reading the files. What was done?…It seems to have caused as much good as harm. THere is no black and white here, you KNOW this… there are never easy answers. All we can do is use our judgment and our hearts. Make the best decision we can at the time. If we were wrong, we learn in the future. But we have to carry on… we have to… still fight. And we have to take care of ourselves enough TO fight."

*

The stiff posture that Bobbi held melted significantly as she moved under the Director's touch. Her shoulders caved under that gentle half embrace and her expression crumbled ever so slightly.

"Everything was compromised. Has been compromised. Current hypothesis puts them here at the start of the last World War. Possibly Germany. Testing everything out there through the Nazi command system." She closed her eyes, her jaw tightening briefly as she fought against the prickling in the back of her throat that signaled the very human desire to cry against the thought.

"They took the Academy. They infiltrated NATO and who knows what else. We have to assume that they didn't care about our files because they already had them. There were no further files in your office tapped by that thing. I tried to triangulate what it was after. What they wanted. Fitz and I assumed it was the prison. Which led to our guess work on who they'd target, why and their motives." She was cycling through mission reports that she'd already typed. A coping mechanism if she ever had any.

"It acted like you Director. I didn't notice. It yelled at me when Barnes had me in a near body cast and demanded I take time off. It laughed and shared food with me and chatted with me and I didn't notice."

*

Peggy's arm tightens around Bobbi's shoulder as she hears that threat of tears behind her voice, the desperate cycling through reports that Peggy has half read already. She shakes her head slightly, "…just because these things infiltrated does not mean everything they did or touched is evil. Everything is complicated. But I am back. Weaver is back. We *know* now… and we sure as HELL are going to keep doing what we do because we need it now more than ever. I will not doubt this organization or my people… MY PEOPLE… because something else touched them. That lets them win."

Peggy's fingertips rub into Bobbi's shoulder, trying to get the younger woman to relax a bit more and also to remind her that Peggy is back now. It is absolutely her. ANd the other thing, it never got this close. Never took the risk to be this raw. "Bobbi… It's over. I'm back. You can't… can't keep going back to what happened. It did. We learn. I'm HERE now. DOn't go back there with her. Be here with me."

*

A deep inhale through her nose and out her mouth followed as Bobbi closed her eyes and dug the heels of her palms against her eyelids. Muscles knit and unknit themselves with tension and the struggle to release it. "I'm emotionally compromised, Ma'am. I'm too close to this to be an effective field agent. I recognize that and also that I'm not going to be as useful in open war, which is possible at this time."

"I'm sorry." She added, her frame slumping into the warmth offered her.

"I let this get at me, when I shouldn't have to this extent."

*

"…I know you are. You're emotionally compromised because you haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks, you are pushing yourself too hard, and these things got beneath your skin. They made you doubt yourself just when I need your instincts at their best. You're off duty from now until you get eight hours uninterrupted sleep, Bobbi. If you need to take something to get it, take it… But that's an order. Once you are half rested, we'll start talking other things. But You're not in your right mind right now…" Peggy whispers against the blonde's hair, never letting go that arm. SHe just lets Bobbi slump in against her, the echo of her voice without doubt or judgment. Just caring. She is not angry at Bobbi for this weakness. If anything, she's oddly supportive. "You care… of course you let it get to you. You'd be a bad agent if you didn't."

*

A wry smile pulls at the corners of the agent's lips at Peggy's words, at the gentle tone that soothed and promised reasonable expectations without lashing. It was the tone of memory and something inside Bobbi loosened at hearing it again. She sagged, the last of her tension escaping her shoulders and spine to leave her leaning against the offered support.

"Yes, ma'am." She breathed, the crown of her head dipping forward as she rested her other arm against her thigh. A small sigh followed the action, and she glanced side long at Peggy.

"Do you need anything?"

*

"…Out of here? A good night's sleep in my own bed? About ten more donuts or a proper plate of bangers and mash?" Peggy responds earnestly, the first things she can thing of coming to mind just spilling out of her lips. She desperately needed ALL Of those things right now, going more than a little stir crazy in her bed.

Then something else hits and she gives a little groan, her free hand coming down to rest against the side of her somewhat swollen belly…"This child to stop dancing on my bladder, also… that would be nice."

*

A slight lean away as Bobbi glanced down at Peggy's stomach, significantly less than when she'd thought she had last seen the Director and she smirked. "I can likely help with two of those things just now." A smile, warmer than it had been before. The hesitance wasn't there now. The cautious approach was gone with that simple warmth. That simple reassurance that Bobbi was in fact facing the real Director before her.

"Not sure what's still open this late at night but I'm sure I can find something. This is New York and all."

"I'll check and see what's up with your paperwork too. I'm sure everyone would like to see you go home and rest too."

*

One last squeeze of her shoulders and, though it is a bit relcutant, Peggy lets go of Bobbi's shoulders and frees the woman to lean away. She just rubs at her own side, on that edge between second and third trimester when muscles are all really stretching free. Being in this bed wasn't helping. "…Bobbi, as much as I would love all those things, I would FAR MORE SO like to see you getting rest. I'll talk to the nurses. YOu already snuck me better food than almost anyone else has. Go rest. Please. Don't make me get a nurse for *you*, hmm? I know they have the good drugs here. I'll make them drug you and pull a bed up in here next to me just so I can keep you company while you drool." Peggy doesn't actually seem to be joking.

*

The threat of being drugged has Bobbi laughing, mostly because she knows very well that the Director would carry it out and most likely have a good laugh at her drooling. Along with notes for posterity's sake if need be. Still, the agent rose, collecting her mug of coffee again and she nodded. "Alright, alright. I'll pick up some good night pills on my way to the work room cot down here. Don't particularly want to be bothered with going back to my apartment." She hadn't been back in weeks actually.

"I'll get some rest." She sighed, still the slight smile remained on her lips as she dragged a hand through her hair.

*

The fact that Bobbi actually seems to be listening to Peggy's orders and is going to take the pills? It makes Peggy relax more than anything. Peggy gives her a softer, more relieved smile, "Good. I didn't feel like a drooling roommate anyway." Peggy winks at the younger woman, before sinking back a bit deeper in her bed and releasing a slow breath that says she is almost trying to relax herself. "Once you've slept, you report back here and we'll talk about the mission carrying on. I can't afford to have you out of commission that long, so don't think this is a vacation order, aye?"

*

A grin at that, "Me? A vacation? I haven't taken a vacation since I signed on." She offered over a shoulder as she rose from the hospital bed with a creak of joints.

"I'll see you in, roughly eight to ten house then, ma'am." She offered a two fingered salute as she twisted around on her heels, pushing the door open and shut with a careful twist of the knob.

*

"…I look forward to it, Agent Morse. Sweet dreams." Peggy clips out after her, still half smiling, that softer, both motherly and somehow commanding look in her eyes. They were all flawed. Peggy's care for her agents was, no doubt, a flaw. But it's also something that makes her an excellent leader. Much like Bobbi's flaws of loyalty and determination.

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