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It had taken Pepper most of a day to realize Bucky was trying to reach her.
He'd once told her he might leave a message for her, but the form it would take was anyone's guess— until she'd looked out the window of the glass elevator leading up to the temporary suites Stark had rented while the Tower was being renovated, and realized— twenty trips later— that the wrong-colored brick on the windowsill in the building across the way had only recently changed.
A frantic dash across the way had led her to the room, where there was a note pinned to the middle of the wall; 'Docks'. Docks could be literally anywhere for anyone else, but for Pepper, it would be the safehouse Bucky had brought her to when they'd first started dating.
So a drive across town, to an empty, cold wharf, with no lights, no visible sign of occupancy. Just when she was beginning to despair if he was even nearby, Bucky had whispered her name from the shadows, a flare of a lighter revealing his face, then just as quickly snuffed out.
"Sorry, Pepper. Had to be sure you weren't followed," he says, in a low monotone.
*
A steady stream of vigor and coffee has kept her going over the last few days, and the new friend in the form of Betty Ross. But it hasn't been easy. The moment Pepper realized that there was some strange message for her, she hasn't stopped. Not going home for more vigor, or dinner, or even to change from her work clothes. She's still in a red plaid suit, stockings and high heels when she makes her way down the cold wharf, shivering against her coat, high heels echoing too loud and lonely on the concrete floor.
She's just about to give up when she hears that whisper. Pepper nearly jumps out of her skin, spinning around in his direction, heart pounding in her throat. She takes a few more steps forward, looking for him in the darkness, "…Bucky? Where… where are you? I'm here. I wasn't followed, I… I watched. Doubled back. I was careful…"
*
"Can't be too careful. I probably won't be here again next time. I've got to keep moving," Bucky murmurs, edging out of the shadows. He looks fearfully at the light— but then his eyes move to Pepper and soften. Abruptly, he quicksteps into her, picking her up off the ground and hugging her fiercely. "I'm sorry Pepper. I had to break out. There wasn't gonna be a trial for me," he mutters, finally setting her back down. "I've been to enough rendition sites. Black bag, dark hole in the ground, and three cold meals a day for the rest of my life," he tells her. "I saw my chance and I took it. I hope Steve's not too sore," he says, suddenly smiling lopsidedly.
*
Pepper feels like some paper doll in his arms right now, a bit too fragile, a bit too cold. She's definitely lost weight again, not her pleasant curves when she's at her very best. But ragged or not, she happily wraps her thin arms around him and holds on for dear life. She hugs so tight, burying her nose in his throat, cheek pressed to the side of his jaw, breathing in his scent and warmth deeply. Her skin is still that clammy paper, but that could be from walking in the cold as much as anything. "God, Bucky… I was so worried. So worried. I thought… maybe you went back to the Russians. I didn't know. SHIELD.. .it's not like that. They really want to help you, I swear… I know… Steve is worried. I am. It's not safe out here…"
*
Bucky cups Pepper's cheek, nodding. "I'm sure Steve does. But SHIELD— the real SHIELD, the powers that be— they'll lock me in a box and lose the key, Pepper. I can't let that happen." His face goes flinty. "And I'm gonna deal with those Russian bastards before I get taken down, anyway." He examines her face, then his scowl returns. "Pepper, you're /freezing/. And your eyes— you look skinny. What's wrong?" he asks, extreme concern on his face. "Have you not been eating or something? You look like you've lost ten pounds." Not flattery— Pepper's not the sort of woman with a lot of extra poundage to spare on her best days.
*
His insistance about SHIELD's plans just makes her eyes pinch a bit harder. Pepper pulls back just enough she can search his eyes, letting his strong, calloused hand cup her cheek. Despite the circumstances, she felt safer just for that touch. He always managed to help her feel that way, since the first night he met her. "…You… you don't know that. And god, Bucky, please… Please don't hunt those Russians down. There are more of them than you. What if they take you down? What if they have some sort of… trigger? What if they can wake that up in your head again, go back to using you again? It's not worth it, Bucky, please… *Please* promise me you won't." Pepper insists, rasping voice more than a bit desperate about that. Suddenly she wishes she HAD stopped home for those pills. She could make him promise.
But there are no easy fixes, not tonight. The concern deepening on his face is the last thing she wanted to see. She was hoping darkness and the chill of winter would hide most of it. Her eyes flicker down, a cut of shame across her face. "…It… It's complicated. I'm working on it, I… I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you."
*
"Pepper. What is it?" Bucky asks, gripping Pepper's triceps in his hands and looking directly into her eyes. He twists his neck as she tries to look away. "Please, Pepper— I don't have much time. If something's wrong, you gotta tell me," he pleads with her. "I'll be fine, I can deal with the Russians without them getting close enough to me to do anything. I won't let them take me over again. But I gotta know what's going on with you."
*
Despite that grip, Pepper doesn't try to pull away. She doesn't even really fight his eyes too much, no matter the shame lining her's. She cares about him too much to keep lying, though with her meeting his gaze again, he can see the true fear that flickers through her gaze as well as he mentions about the Russians. That scares her more than anything, no matter his reassurances. "…Please… Bucky, I… I'll tell you, if you insist, but you have to promise me you won't go back to them. I don't know if we could get you free again. I… I don't want to lose you. Your mind… Your heart… SHIELD only just started to help. I know it's not all… Fixed. It takes longer. They.. they could get their claws in you again." Her fingertips come up, resting across his chest. She is worried half sick, even if worry isn't doing it all.
*
"I can't let them walk free, Pepper. They have to pay for what they did— for the years they took from me. The memories. It's an entire life and I don't know who I am or what I did, and I want them to know that I'm coming for them." Anger burns in his eyes, hot and furious.
"Pepper, /tell me what's wrong/," he demands of the redhead. "I don't have time— I— I can't stay, I have to keep ahead of SHIELD. But I can't leave if you won't tell me what's wrong."
*
It breaks something in her to hear that about the Russians. The look in Pepper's bloodshot eyes absolutely says she thinks he's going to get taken again, exhausted tears welling up, making her eyes more glassy even as she tries to fight them off. She doesn't want to spend their time together crying. She just doesn't want to lose him again. "…Bucky, I… I'm only getting to know you now, I don't want to lose you before I… I ever really knew who you even were." Pepper half begs, her own fingertips tightening against him, one hand on his chest and the other at his waist.
But his demands are somehow more passionate. More forceful. While his last words are tempting to keep her lips shut, so he won't go, she also can't make him miserable. Lying to him is nearly impossible for her. So, she takes in a shaky sort of breath. "…There… there is a new… drug out there. Vigor? It's all over the streets. Makes… mutants stronger, gives people like me… some weird… powers. I got accidentally dosed, when… when I was volunteering with the National Guard. It… it's insanely addictive. I'm trying not to take it all the time but…" just thinking about it makes her shiver, the need in her eyes and body a very, real, very physical thing.
*
"Jesus wept," Bucky says, shaking his head. He hugs Pepper to him. Tight, looking out over her back at the lapping wharf. It all makes sense now— the commands, the lost weight, the pain in her eyes. He visibly berates himself for not seeing the signs sooner.
"Then I'm really, really sorry, Pepper. Because this is it. I can't let you go back to them." He breaks their hug and when he does, he holds up what looks like a tiny perfume bottle— and then spritzes her with a faceful of knockout gas, covering his nose and mouth as he does.
"I can't let you get hooked on that shit," he mutters, catching Pepper in his arms.
He casts a longing look at his bike, knowing it might be the last time he sees it for a while, and hustles Pepper over to Plan B: an ice-cream truck he's modified. He pushes her into the back, on a cot with a pile of arms and gear around her, and covers her with a blanket.
Moments later, the truck doors bang shut and Bucky rattles off, his most precious cargo securely asleep in the back as he hightails it towards a different borough with Pepper in tow.
*
The hug is returned. She trusts him with her life, so she doesn't even imagine what is coming. Pepper just presses tight against him, shaking her head slightly, "I…I'm sorry too. I'll get through it, Bucky, SHIELD is…" But then there is that knockout gas. She never dreamt he would. She's already ragged and exhausted, completely caught face full of it. A few flutters of her eyes, and she's suddenly dead weight in his arms.
Even unconscious, Pepper was easy to carry, especially now. Her head lulls as he scoops her up like that and moves for the truck. No more protests from the sleeping form. Who knew how long she'd be out but, for the moment, he's got her safe and sound. She looks far more peaceful at rest, the etched pain and worry gone from her features.
*