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One of the priorities of the building construction was to get the elevators working so that the upper offices could be reopened. At least one elevator is now working so business has resumed on the upper levels, probably much to the relief of those having been crowded on lower levels. It's made it easier for Tony, at least, to work in his own office without wearing the armor. It means his assistants have also been brought back to their original desks. He is, however, still running about with the contractors, upgrading systems and making little adjustments. He's trying to keep the charm of the older building but now, truly, make it his own.
*
Again, Pepper had gone mysteriously missing. She'd been a touch strange lately, ragged around the edges, taking a few 'secret' meetings with SHIELD people. She'd lost weight too. But anything else was always concealed beneath the careful, artful make up she wears and her fashionable clothing. Still, after having spent a lot of time last night trying to catch up, she's now coming into the office mostly like nothing has happened. 8 am, in a cream suit with a black shirt, she's trying to wear fabrics that don't make her look sallow complexioned. She steps into the executive offices, going straight for her desk.
*
Tony has probably been there since daybreak…he's already rolled up his sleeves and removed his tie. Maybe he slept in his office? There's the Murphy Bed there after all. As Pepper steps over to her desk, Tony actually meets her there. "So." He has a neutral expression as he just seems to wait.
*
As she sees him, even at 8 am, she stops stiff in her shoes. Somewhat bloodshot eyes go a bit wider and she stiffens beneath her elegnant, if slightly too large, suit. A pale smile flickers across her lips and she gives him a slight nod, "Mr. Stark. I… am sorry. Things happened with SHIELD… it… I couldn't call. I wanted to. I'm sorry." Pepper is not a great liar, but those are only half lies and it's better than bearing her shame to everything.
*
"What 'things'?" is asked calmly. "The Director of SHIELD is my aunt. Practically. So I'm more than happy to call and ask them if you'd prefer, but I'd rather hear it from you if that's all right." Also, he'd rather not have to deal with Peggy chewing him out for losing the bit of Tech he was making for them. It's outdated now.
*
The redhead didn't expect him to question more, her eyes going just a bit more wide. Pepper steps over to her desk and slips behind it, opening the ledger for the day, clearly ready to work as she tucks herself into her desk. "Attempts to find the Winter Soldier again… recover him, find if he got anything from Stark Industries. I made contact with him again." Pepper still doesn't quite meet his eyes, but all the words are true. Ish. She tucks a lock of red hair behind her ear, thin face looking down to the work on her desk.
*
"He did. And does SHIELD know? That you made contact with him?" When Tony wants, he can have an amazing poker face and this is one of those times. "Do you want to stay here, Pepper? Or would you rather work for SHIELD? I mean, I can make some calls and I don't want you to be where you're not happy…"
*
That makes her stop again, something tightening in her chest. Pepper was going to mess this up, the best chance in her life at a real career, what she never thought she'd lose… She was going to mess this up. She tries to ignore the tightness in her throat as she looks over to him, "Tony… I know I haven't been…as reliable as you need these days. But I stayed up half the night last night catching up. I'll always get the work done. I love it here and I never want to leave, but… if… I… I understand if you want to let me go. I probably deserve it."
*
"I want to know what's going on, Pepper. You never take 'vacations'," although this doesn't seem to be one of those. "If you were anywhere but here, you'd be gone." At least she seems to recognize that. Tony leans in some to peer at her eyes for a moment before he asks again, "What happened this time? Kidnapped by a vampire again?"
*
Lipstick lined mouth presses quietly, watching him, her exhausted eyes searching her boss and once-friend's face quietly. There is a storm of emotions on her features, guilt, exhaustion, longing for how things used to be, and shame. Shame almost more than anything. It's a strange emotion for Pepper, she so rarely feels such an emotion. "If…if you want me to go, Tony, just fire me. I'll go. It… it wasn't vampires. It wasn't. If I told you… you'd fire me anyway. So you might as well just do it."
*
"You don't think much of me, do you Pepper?" Tony straightens and puts his hands in his pockets. "I mean, you have it in your head that I'm a screw-up. Not that I blame you all that much, but I thought we were actually friends. Not just…boss and assistant. But if that's how you want this," he pulls his hand from his pocket so he can gesture between the two of them, "…to be, then fine." He gives a shrug before taking a step back, "I just thought we were more than that. Shows how screwed up I am, huh?"
*
Those words break her heart even more, guilt deepening as her pale eyes flicker down to her desk, then back up to him. "We… we are friends, Tony. God, you… you're probably the closest friend we have. I know it feels like we… we've barely been speaking. I figured you were… angry… over everything. But we are friends. I miss you. I… I don't think you're a screw up. I think you're brilliant and your mind has better things to do than balancing budgets. I agree. That's…what's why I've always been here, since the day you hired me. I… want to free you up to be brilliant."
*
"Yet you feel you have to lie to me." Tony calls her on it right there. He doesn't know what the lie is, "You don't think I've lied enough in my life to know how to spot it? Please. Don't ever play poker." He waits, watching her. "Don't Play a Player, Pepper. I just can't keep ignoring whatever it is that's going on with you."
*
Silence reigns for a few heartbeats, Pepper staring at him quietly before she drags one hand across her tired face. She sinks back into her chair, curling up on herself just a bit tighter. SHe looks like she could almost just disappear into the chair and hide from the whole world. "I… I guess I've fucked this up enough already, can't do much worse…" THe fact that she's DARED to use a word like that says just how bad this is in her mind. "Bucky… who we knew as Jack… he found me again. He found me and… grabbed me away. Because I got… I'm… I got on this… Vigor stuff. Accidentally — a whole bunch of people got dosed when I was volunteering with the National Guard, and I was one of them, but… it's… It's addictive. Worse than mary jane. Worse than… I don't know what drugs are out there. I just know I can't…function without this now. And he took me away, tried to clean me out. He…he didn't do it to hurt."
*
"Pot isn't addictive," Tony corrects quietly. "Are you clean now, or are you still on this stuff? And did you report where this 'Jack' is? Because he -did- steal from us, Pepper, and he wrecked my building and nearly killed me." His voice is low. Quiet. He's keeping his temper for now. "Are you still in love with him?" Not that he's asking for his own feelings towards Pepper. This seems to be something that needs to be asked.
*
"I…I let them know his last whereabouts and I… I put a thing in his head, I don't know if it'll stick. This drug, it…it gives people powers. Like mutants. It makes my voice… Well, it makes people listen to what I say. *Really* listen. Like… they have to do it no matter what. It's scary but…useful. I ordered him to find Steve, probably the only person who can physically actually take him down… Maybe it will work?" Pepper offers quietly, hopefully, though part of her already knows she didn't handle this too well, "I wasn't thinking straight. I just had to get out of there… I only had one dose left on me…" Which implies no, she is not clean. "And… I don't *know* him well enough to be in love with him. He's not just a janitor… He's some guy from… from world war two. He's this whole other person which is trapped inside and behind all this brainwashing…"
*
There's no immediate answer yet. After a long moment he asks, "Do you -want- to get off of this stuff?" Because he's hearing that she doesn't want to. "It's not like you get it out of your system and you never think about it again, Pepper. That would be too easy. But first you -want- to be off of the stuff. Do you?" At least she let SHIELD know about him and maybe they can track him…although the fact that she's still friendly with him isn't really making him cheer.
*
Arms remain folded across her chest, all of her curled as small as she can make herself in the chair. Body language is such a powerful thing, and it's clear that Pepper wants to do nothing but hide away from the world right now. His question doesn't make it any easier, but at least she's not hiding from his eyes any more. She's giving him the respect of honesty, even if it's breaking her carefully constructed shell more and more with every sentence. "I… I don't know. Yes, mentally, if we had a way to do it which wouldn't kill me, yes. I acknowledge it's not healthy. But… they don't right now. SHIELD knows. Their doctors are looking into treatments but there hasn't been anything yet. So, until they figure out something… I take enough to function. To stay sane. And it's…useful, sometimes. Having those powers."
*
Tony shakes his head, "No. It's one thing if it's part of your physiology…if it is biologically coded into you. This? No. You do not use those drug-induced powers here at work. I don't want to hear that you did. I'm not even sure I want you being tempted to use them here." He's quiet for a long moment before he offers, "Go home. Don't make me monitor your bank account to find you're buying more of this stuff because I -will- cut you off."
*
The order to go home stings more than anything. Pepper stares up at him, eyes slightly glistening, her throat tightening for a heartbeat or two. "Tony, I…I won't use it at work. I promise. I just want to work. Please? I want…want life to be as close to normal as it can be. I just want to work and do my job. Please. I *promise*…promise I won't use it here." She unfolds her arms, sitting up straighter, leaning against the desk as she looks over at him, trying to convey to him just how important this is to her. Work is the only sane thing in her life right now.
*
"I don't want you using it at all, Pepper," Tony is quite serious about this. "You can choose; the drug or work. Not both." It may not be the best method to get one clean from anything, but it's the only way he knows. With that, he strides back to his office to slam the door behind him.
He -is- the pot talking to the kettle as he goes right to his mini-bar for a drink.
*
And, of course, the sign of a true addict? Pepper leans over, starting to pack up her desk. The motions are slow, slightly shaky, as silent tears finally escape, making their way down her cheeks. She grabs the small bag she has in her bottom drawer, putting what personal effects she has into the bag so she can clear out and not look back. That also means her condo, paid for by Stark Industries, probably is not her condo any more. But one thing at a time. She packs up quietly, forcing herself to stay calm, as she leaves the job which made her entire life.
*