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"So, Carol showed me this book called the Lord of the Rings. Turns out it's a sequel to the Hobbit and I liked that all right, so I bought it," he says. Right now the Winter Soldier is losing a fight with cotton candy. At least his hair's tied back so it's not getting in there. "Looks good," he adds. All casualness - long sleeved white shirt, jeans. They've already had the hot dog. And Kai is toting a teddy bear - even the 'knock down milk bottles' game can't stand up against a metal arm.
"Oh, you're reading Tolkien!" Kai says. He carries his bear happily. His bear. No one else's. Hell yes he's going to display it at home and/or cuddle it relentlessly. "Of course real elves are better, but I guess he does all right with them for a mortal." He's surrounded by shiny things and bright lights. Of course he's delighted. So much to look at.
The pair of them….they'd be hassled as a pair of fairies, were it not for the way they carry themselves. Bucky's kind of got the Don't Fuck With Me flag hanging out. "I agree," he says, with a grin. "You're a lot nicer than those wood elf jackasses in the Hobbit. And yeah, I am. They say this one's not for kids. Like a fairy tale for grown ups who like history."
Whereas Kai has an equally disconcerting Oh Do Please Fuck With Me flag he waves proudly. "I think it's probably a little too wordy for kids, but the content isn't all that bad." Then again, who knows what constitutes too violent or too terrifying in an Asgard-adjacent culture. "I liked the books. They were fun. We should discuss them over coffee in Greenwich Village sometime."
"Yeah, Tolkien sure does like to describe stuff at length," he agrees. "But the first part was good. And sure. That's more your turf, you'll have to show me where has good coffee."
"I've got you covered, pal," Kai says. Looking around, he says, "This is your turf, so you tell me, where do I find the best funnel cake? I'm going to eat the whole thing, then go on the Cyclone." Because Kai does what Kai wants. His gaze wanders over everything with keen interest. "We should come here when they have a cool exhibition. Like one of those science ones with all the freaky future tech."
His smile is wry. "Do you have a stronger stomach than a human your size?" he asks, quietly. "Steve loves that thing….and when he was a kid, it'd make him puke every time. And if you eat a whole funnel cake…..you will, too." Then he elbows Kai. "That's the first time I ever saw Howard Stark," he says. "AT the exhibition he did, like that. All the future tech. And….don't they have stuff much more advance where you're from?" He nips a wisp of cotton candy off a fingertip.
"I was built for feasting the way they do in Asgard," Kai says. Then he grins. "So let's find out." He waves a hand then, and says, "It's not important what they have in Alfheim. It's all so different here. Watching the way it's unfolded from muskets and lamplight has been a hobby of mine. My parents got confused, and I swore I would never let that be me."
This may not be exactly Roman decadence - he grew up during the Depression, so his bar for 'luxury' was very low even before the privations of captivity - but it helps hark back to older pleasures. All the memories that his brothers don't have. "Confused?" he asks, even as he points out a funnel cake stand, and tosses the paper cone into a convenient trashcan.
"Sure. The world changed all around them faster than they could adapt. New doodads threw them for a loop, and the way people changed with the times, man. They were already foreigners, dig me? They kept to themselves and every time they thought they had this world figured out, it had changed. I think that's what got them caught. All I know is that as Midgard grows, so will I." He perks up and heads for the funnel cake stand, rearranging his bear so he can wrangle one of the pastries, paid for courtesy Loki.
Bucky does not order one. He's got enough sugar in him for the moment, heady stuff after so many years of deprivation. "Yeah," he says, quietly. "I know a bit about how they feel,"
Kai ends up with powdered sugar in his beard and on his lips within seconds. "You've adapted," he says. Munch munch munch. He's adapted to a diet higher in sugar than what he was born to in exile. He's adapted very well. "But they never tried. Proud people, you know. Midgard's good enough to hide in, but not to make friends. I grew up without very many friends."
"Really? I never woulda thought.You're such a good-natured guy," he says, as they continue on towards the Cyclone. "And that's too bad. I know what it's like to miss home, but…."
Kai walks along at Bucky's side, making quick work of that funnel cake. "I was shy, but then one day, when I was old enough to do what I pleased, I went into town and ended up talking to a weaver for hours. After that, I slipped out almost eveyr day to just meet people," Kai says. "It drove my parents bonkers, but what could they say? Two rebels with a rebellious son?" He grins, and there's a bit of powdered sugar in the very tip of his nose.
Bucky hands off a heap of paper napkins. Eating funnel cakes is hazardous to neatness. "Interesting," he says, softly. "Well, that explains you taking me in. I used to be more like that."
Kai wrinkles his nose, but with hands full of funnel cake and bear, he has to juggle a bit. He will be brushing powdered sugar off the bear later. Finally he gets the napkins and wipes off his face in general, which does get the nose! Mission accomplished. "I took you in because… I mean maybe, yes, but there doesn't have to be some reason. I don't think too hard about what I do. I just do."
He muses at that. "Seems to work for ya," Bucky concedes, eventually. He unashamedly steals a piece of funnel cake, chews it thoughtfully. "I never had junk food in Russia. Not like this."
Kai grins at the theft. Thatta boy, Bucky. "America is glorious for junk food," Kai says. "Land of the treats, home of the gravy." He munches more of the funnel cake. "I mean I think I do think on some level, but I don't think about thinking. My instincts aren't always good, but they're spot on more than they're not."
"And I grew up in the DEpression, poor," he says, as he takes another piece. "Not malnourished, or anything, but we got by. Not a lot to spare for sweets. I'm not complaining, but….it's amazing how simple luxury can be, when you come out of what I have."
"The Depression was rough," Kai says. "I did all right. Others had it worse. I went to Europe because I heard Berlin was the place to be." He shakes his head. "That didn't last. I left before it got too bad and that's why I was in Paris when the war came. I don't think I'll leave New York any time soon."
"I only saw Berlin during the war, but I heard it was a crazy place to be, before Hitler came to power, " he says, looking around for a water fountain. "And Paris I saw during Liberation, which was a hell of a time to be an American there," Buck's grin is wistful, reminiscent.
Kai wags his brows and says, "My friend, you don't even know the half of it. The clubs were so groovy. People are clutching their pearls over here about how things are degenerating, but they never saw Berlin before the war. I haven't lived in such debauchery before or since." He sighs wistfully. "War ruins everything."
"Yeah, I hear you there," HE's found a water fountain, bends to drink - it's at kid height. Then he's straightening and wiping at his mouth. "So, still up for the Cyclone? Have you ever been on it?"
"Of course I am," Kai says. He wolfs down the last of the funnel cake and brushes powdered sugar off both his fingers and his bear. "I've never been. I haven't had the chance. Every time I was going to, something came up." He gravitates toward the Cyclone. Kai wants. Wants now.
That makes Bucky grin like a fox. "You're going to regret it," he tells him, cheerfully, as he insinuates himself into the line. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
Kai singsongs, "No I won't." He lifts his chin and says, "We're a resilient people." Just then there's a collective scream from the Cyclone, rather the people riding it. "See? Those people are having the time of their lives."
He should be used to things like this, now. Not like he hasn't jumped out of planes and ski-ed down mountains and ridden motorcycles on icy roads. But….it's still a bit scary and a lot of fun, and Buck's surprisingly fine after he gets off. Only a little wobbly, and flushed with amusement. "Man," he says, "I missed that."
Kai is made of sturdy stuff, but he's also not been on the Cyclone before, and no other rides quite live up to it. So he's wobbly when he exits the cyclone, but he's laughing as he lists to one side, careening into Bucky. "I love living in a world where people do this to themselves on purpose," he says giddily.
"You guys don't have thrill rides where you come from?" he asks, even as he puts out a hand to steady poor Kai. The metal hand, in fact.
"Not like this," Kai says. "Besides, if we do, I never got to see them. The old woman never let me do anything fun. It was all lessons on behaving and being whipped into shape." He grimaces. "God forbid you tell her 'I thought we were supposed to be a lighthearted people.' She's ancient, but she is quick." He giggles under his breath and clutches his bear to him. After a moment, he gets his bearings. "I want to do that again."
It's not something Kai hears often, Bucky's full-throated laugh. But there it is. "She sounds like aterror," he agrees. "And sure, we can. 's all good by me."
Kai wobbles his way back to the end of the line. "You don't know the half of it," he says. "She's my mum's mum. Or maybe grandmum? I can't believe a wretched thing that old could've possibly given birth to my lovely mum. Nothing I did was good enough for her, you know? Nothing." He shrugs a shoulder. "Luckily, absolutely nothing in my life hinges on her opinion."
"I never knew my grandparents," he says, musingly. "Either set. And….I've known too many people like that. My original drill sergeant totally had it in for New Yorkers. He ran me ragged. But….he wasn't a relative, thank God."
"I find it hard to believe we're related," Kai says. "She's a silvery old witch without a joyful bone in her body." Never mind the woman lost her daughter and only living child to an Asgardian prison forever. What could she possibly have to be humorless about? "Anyway, we're family now, and that's all that matters." He slings an arm companionably around Bucky's shoulders. Ah, the days when a man could touch another man and not be assumed a fruit. Which, all things considered, is pretty funny.
Kai, the magical fruit with a magical fruit. "You've adopted me, eh?" he says, grinning sidelong at Kai. "Your friend is right - I'm like the family pet."
Kai nods and says, "Yep, you're mine now." He ruffles Bucky's hair and releases him. "You're not a pet. He's just being tricksy." Something Kai says fondly. His trickster. "We don't have to define things, man. We can just be, and you're my Bucky, and if anything, like, happens to you, I got your back."
He elbows Kai, gently. "Good enough for me," he agrees. "I am housebroken, and your buddy's even trained me to come in through the door. Mostly. Speaking of - doesn't he have that penthouse?"
"We have access to one," Kai says. "We're not sure if we're going to take it. Sure, the extra room would be nice, and living in luxury wasn't a bad beat, man, but my beat is Hell's Kitchen, and he's got his place above the bookstore. I don't want to lose my connection to the streets. Plus nothing just comes free. There's always strings. Might just get a bigger apartment in the same building, or knock out a wall."
"Fair enough," he allows, and doesn't press it. Not really his business - they're the ones with the names on the lease, not him.
"Then again," Kai says, "if we take the penthouse, I could still keep the place here, convert it into an art studio. I'd be here for my people, and I would have a creative space, plush a room to crash in when I'm there late." Leaving Loki alone in bed with someone who looks like Bucky staying there. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Buck nods at that, lazily. "I was hoping you'd say something like that, honestly," he notes, with that lazy amusement in his face. "If you've got enough room in the penthouse, I'll keep house for you."
"A live-in housekeeper, I like that," Kai says. He waggles a finger though and adds, "But don't let my friend turn you into that pet he's mentioned. It'll be rent, a transaction between three adults with agency." His pro-human stance may make him a radical where he's from, but one can't doubt his conviction.
Kai gets it. "Exactly. I don't wanna be totally worthless to you guys," he says. "And I know you don't like housekeeping, and your friend….I imagine he grew up with servants to tend to that kinna thing."
Kai snorts and says, "You're never going to be useless, man. You're my pal, my buddy, my brother. You have my back and I have yours. You don't keep score with that sort of thing. Besides, if anyone's worthless around the house, it's me. The only difference is I don't care."
He's made Bucky laugh. Again. "That's okay. You've got an artistic temperament," he teases. "You know, I can draw pretty well? I was in art school - me and Steve were - when Pearl Harbor happened. I enlisted right off. And then….I still had to draw, when I was working for the other guys. Snipers need to be able to."
"Exactly," Kai says. "I require freedom." From having to do a dish or even put it in the sink when he's done with it. "I want to see your drawings," he says with an air of finality. This. This will be done. "When I wasn't sure I was going to survive, I made a drawing for Steve. He's such a great guy. I just want to…" He struggles for the words. "I just want to sit him down with a beer and some cookies and tell him everything's going to be okay."
"I haven't in a long time," he says, more slowly. "I'm sure I'm rusty. But…yeah. Steve's amazing. I don't know how the hell a guy like that exists in this world. He's just genuinely good, all the way through….but he's not stupid or naive or innocent."
"He's probably the best person alive today," Kai says without any doubt. "You two should hang out, man. Look him up now that you're out for real this time. I know we're friends, but I also know the thing you have with Steve is one of those once in a lifetime things. So don't squander it, okay?"
Buck's smile is soft, funny….almost childish. One of those moments where one can glimpse the kid he must've been. "I will," he agrees. "I will. It's hard to see him, sometimes, knowing what I did to him. But ….he is who he is, and he forgives me. Sometimes forgiveness is hard to bear."
"Hey, in the end, he came out stronger, and so did you." He thinks about the rest of Bucky's words. "Is it?" he says. How often has he had to say he's sorry to something that's that calibre of bad? Sorry-not-sorry I hate the last of the bacon doesn't exactly count. Or maybe he just hasn't known very forgiving people.
IT's like a weight has settled on him. "Yeah," he says. "Sometimes it feels like a searchlight on you, magnifying how terrible you are. Like….you and what happened with those guys. I still remember it." And his voice goes very low. "I still remember what your blood tastes like."
Kai chews his lower lip, and he gauges their place in line with a glance. Still have a little time to wait. He shuffles forward with the rest of the line. "Do you want to know what I see when I look at you?" he says. "What those who forgive you see?"
There's a mute nod from Buck. He looks up again, still shamefaced. It's so clear in his bodylanguage.
Kai says gently, "I see a man held hostage by a terrible demon, one I don't think I could tackle. I see a man subsumed who has fought tooth and nail for every gasp of air only to be dragged back in. I don't understand how you've stayed yourself after all this time. How you can still be the guy who feels bad. Who remembers riding the Cyclone with his friend Steve. Who makes dinner sometimes and picks up around the house." He gives Bucky's arm a squeeze. "Yours is the strongest heart I've ever seen. The hells I went through are nothing compared to the ones you've been dragged into over and over. And here you are, and you're still you. I admire you so much."
Buck…..he doesn't tear up. But it's a near thing. He certainly swallows hard, and it's decidedly watery. Then he smiles at Kai. "Thanks," he says. "That means a lot. You and Scarlett….you guys are the friends I made since….since I got back to New York."
Kai smiles softly at Bucky, semi-solemn rather than his usual bouncy self. "Don't thank me," he says, "I'm just reporting the facts." He then adds, "Scarlett is lovely. I want to hang out with her again. Tell her I said hi when you see her again."
"I'll let her know," he says, the smile easing. "And yeah, she is." A lilttle wistful there.
Kai perks up as the line advances again, and they can hear the screams of the people riding the ride. "We should have a roof party," he decides. "I bet we could sucker Lambert into catering it. Scarlett can come, and Steve, your friends from the bar, my friends from everywhere."
Bucky looks up at the ride, grinnin in anticipation. "Sounds good," he says. "And I'd like that. Lamb's a good guy. I bet he'd get along great with Steve."
"They met briefly," Kai says, bright-eyed. "They got along great. Lambert brought us all a bunch of food and we stuffed ourselves silly. And he brought the good wine so I think Steve even got a little tipsy." He snerks like this is somehow impossibly funny.
His eyes round at that. "Someone got Steve *drunk*?" Buck's rounded on Kai in disbelief, the ride momentarily forgotten.
"Satyr wine," Kai says. "You don't mess around with that stuff." He shoulders Bucky amiably. "Tipsy. He was still himsef, he just didn't feel like he should drive. He's such a boy scout." Kai says that so fondly.
"Sounds like Steve," he says, again. "This I want to see, sometimes. We'll have to get more from Lambert, pour it down him."
"I want to be there," Kai says. "I want to get a camera so I can immortalize the moment. I bet he's a a giggler. No, maudlin! No! Both." He laughs. And they get closer to the front of the line. "He's a good guy, though," Kai says. "One of the best I've ever met, and I've been around."
"He's one of the rare truly sweet-tempered drunks," Buck agrees. "He is a giggler. And a storyteller. He's unfucking real, honestly. And I'm really lucky to have him as a friend."
"We both are," Kai says. Then it's time for another spin on the Cyclone. And the whole time, he clutches his bear and yells his fool head off with delight even as his stomach lurches. "Erf, I think I'm going to puke. No, wait, I'm fine. WOOOOOOO!" This is him sober, too.
Bucky, for his part, looks a little queasy. But he's game enough - buying both of them bottles of soda. Because clearly, what they need is caffeine and sugar, right?
Kai wobbles along with Bucky. "It feels like my guts want to be on the outside," he says with a laugh. Yes, sodas now. That'll settle his stomach full of funnel cake. Still. Somehow. Thank goodness for the elf's strong metabolism. "This has been so much fun, Bucky. We should do it more often."
"We should," he says, grinning. "We should bring Steve. I don't think he's dating anyone right now, so ….no girls allowed."
Kai nods firmly. "No girls allowed." That's an easy one for him. "In fact," and here is where he's making a sacrifice, "No romantic partners. It'll just be a blokes' night out. We'll ride the Cyclone til we puke and eat funnel cakes, and do it all over again." He waits to be bought a soda out of habit. "And you can both win me prizes."
That makes him give Kai that sly, sidelong little smile. "Your guy won't be jealous?" he asks, voice low, amused.
"Oh, he'll be livid if he finds out," Kai says. "I'll tell him after the fact and make it up to him." He lets his gaze wander down the row of games. His eyes widen. "Bucky, look at that huge stuffed dog!" It's at a shooting game, too.
His smile goes a little crooked. That brought up images Buck was not perhaps ready for. "You want the dog too, don't you?" he asks, tolerantly. It's like having a healthier substitute for little Steve.
Kai's yes are round and wide in his earnestness. Oh yes. Yes he does, please. "It's huge. Can you imagine it next to Kevin?" He can, and that's why he needs it. He's still coveting his bear, thinking how to keep the prizes from Loki's clutches.
"All right," Bucky says, affably. "I'll give it a shot," Whereupon he steps up to it, and does exactly that. The booth's keeper eyes him, and Bucky explains, lazily, "'s my little brother," before taking up the rifle. Of course he wins the stuffed dog - he's a crack shot under far less pleasant situations than this.
Kai nods along with Bucky's excuse. When he wants to, beard or no beard, he can look awfully young. Even when he doesn't want to. "Thank you!" he croons as the huge dog is lowered into his arms. Peering around its bulk, he looks around for any other games whose prizes he wants. "There's a clown game with water balloons," he mentions, "with stuffed frogs." It's another shooting game that requires steadiness and precision, and he's still got room in his arms.
He can't help laughing. "All right. But after the frog, we'll have to go home. We won't be able to ride any more rides with all these guys." Loki's going tobe soooo jealous. But Buck's good at throwing, too, even if the darts are that much less deadly than most of the things he's used to.
"I'm going to give him the frog," Kai says, "which means I'm going to need one of those shot glasses with the mermaids on them." A lesser prize, but he'll accept it, out of love for his beloved. He's got to keep trying, this one.
Bucky laughs at him. "No, I'm calling it," he says. "Next time we'll come back with a bag. Let's head home, or these guys might get dirty." Because of course, he wins the frog, too.
Kai gathers the frog into his arms. He might not share the frog as much as he claims he will. "It's so cute," he says, and he relents. Next time. Next time he'll come home with one of everything. "Thank you, Bucky." The elf is laden with prizes, barely visible between the three huge toys.
"Here," he says, and he takes the dog, carefully. Nevermind the looks they might be garnering. Buck tucks it under his arm. "All in all, a pretty good day," he says, softly. "I'd win one to give to Matvei, if I thought it'd mean anything to him," His voice is musing.
"Matvei?" Kai asks as he follow along. "This is a good haul," he agrees. He's reluctant to hand over the dog, but he does. Bucky can be trusted not to thieve the toy he won in the first place.
"The….the guy from Vietnam. He …they don't have names of their own, as far as I can tell. But…really, if he's not just a robot or something, and he does seem tobe physically human, then…he's my brother," His voice is almost dreamy, wondering, as he leads the way back towards the subway. "So, I gave him a name. Matvei's the Russian version of Matthew, which is the name Mom used to say she'd give to my little brother, if she ever had one. My dad's name was George, so that makes his middle name Yegorovich. And of course, Barnes. He may never accept it, but he's at least got one."
Kai considers his haul, and he frowns. To part with any of them would be a proper gesture, but it would mean going home with fewer goodies. Greed and goodness battle it out, and of course goodness wins. It's Kai. He extracts the bear from his armload and offers it to Bucky. "For Matvei, if you like."
He lifts his hands. "No," he says, gently. "We've got a long way to go before he can have something like that. He may never. I'm afraid for him, honestly. But…I already can't help thinking of him as kin."
Kai takes the bear back. "All right," he says, not unpleased that the bear will be going home with him after all, but that doesn't make the offer any less sincere. "I kind of want to meet him," he admits. "You were a tough nut to crack when I first met you."
"It's like….me with nothing at all," he says, as they head down the stairs. "He thinks he has parents, that he owes that country some loyalty. But you look at him and you can tell. He never had real parents. All he has is lies and torture. No name. Even when I was really lost, James was in there. His memories…were hidden, but they aren't gone. I remember playing games with Steve. I remember him nearly coughing himself to death in eighth grade. I remember my mom singing to me. Matvei….I don't need to be a telepath to see the holes in that mind."
"People with amnesia, who lose those memories forever, still manage to live whole lives," Kai points out. "If he's got you in him at all, then he's got a fighting chance. Even if there's no hope, there's the fight, though. If they'll let me meet him, I want to. I want to look him in the eyes and see if there's any of you in him."
Bucky's reply comes instantly. "There's plenty. It's unnerving. Not just 'cause he looks like me, though he does." Through the turnstile, onto a waiting train. Of course Bucky claims the seat where he can see all the entrances and exits. "It was like….I don't know how to explain it. I knew he was mine, for real. You can ask. I'm gonna tell Steve, soon. Please wait until I do?"
Kai sits beside Bucky, giving the place a tactical onceover himself. He nods, curls bouncing. "Of course," he says. "Mum's the word." He always likes to people-watch on the train, and his gaze wanders as they ride. "I can be patient, especially when it's this important."
Buck people watches for entirely different reasons. Well, mostly different. "Thanks," he says, even as his gaze roams. Not a lot of people in the car at this hour.
Kai smiles and shoulder-nudges Bucky. "You know I've got you, man. So you're going to reach out to Steve? Soon I hope. You know he'll be glad to have you back."
"Soon as I can," he says, quietly. "I was in ….under house arrest, let's say. I….they had someone help me. Winter's still in me, but he'll never be in control anymore. Though I have something serious to give you, when we get back."
"Oh?" Barnes has the little magpie of a man's attention. He was one of the people, after Magneto's performance at the riot, walking among the scattered metal looking for shiny valuables. He considers, then says, "Maybe it's not so bad that he's still there, if he can't control you anymore. He's part of you, and we've got to be who we are, good and bad."
Buck hesitates, for a long moment. "I….it's not all gone, because….we…they need someone who has the programming and is willing to talk about it. To be looked into. To let them reverse engineer a way out for Matvei and the others."
Kai risks weird looks from the few people in the car, who are mostly minding their own business, and juggles stuffed toys to take Bucky's hand. The gesture is so carelessly innocent. "Then it's good you've got it locked up in there."
He squeezes back, once, before disentangling his hand. Earth is what it is, and life is tough enough without certain slurs.
Kai goes back to hugging his stuffed animals. He's used to those slurs, alas. Just look at him, fey and strange. The train is almost at their stop anyway. "Thank you," he says, "for today. Sometimes it's hard. I wake up and I don't know if I'm alive or back in that place and this is all an illusion. Hanging out with you makes me feel like a real boy."
"I understand," he says, quietly. "I know how you feel. Sometimes in my dreams I'm back in Russia and this is just a dream I'm having when the cryo takes too long to work. Sometimes I'd have these vivid dreams when Iwas going in or coming out of it. That's how I remembered. The first time I made the mistake of asking about them, they gave me a wipe right then and there. But they always came back, the dreams. It's how I knew it wasn't….that that wasn't all there is. I wonder if Matvei dreams at all. I wonder if he's ever been under. He looks my age or so."
"I'm sure he dreams of something," Kai says. "So give him something good to dream about. Something to hold onto. That's what saves me, having something to hold onto." He looks at his haul. "I know they just seem like silly things, but when I wake up and see these, I'll know where I am."
Buck scratches his chin, as if in search of scruff. Which he actually dislikes having - he shaves carefully each afternoon, when he gets up. "I'll bring him chocolate," he decides. "Always worked during the war."
"Chocolate is a magical thing," Kai says. "You can't be in a bad mood when you have chocolate." The train rolls into their station, and he gets up, stretching. "You coming up? I've got beer."
"EXactly," Buycky says. "And sure. Gotta deliver this dog," he adds. "To its rightful new owner."