1965-05-09 - Flirtation and Fisticuffs
Summary: Jeb and Doug run into Lambert coming home and Jeb decides to settle a score he knows nothing about by engaging in a fight with the Satyr and losing badly. Somehow, Jeb and Lambert wind up with plans for a date.
Related: None
Theme Song: None
douglas jebediah lambert 


When Doug had mentioned helping out a shelter, Jebediah was more than happy to accompany him. In his hometown, there weren't any shelters that he knew of at least, he didn't know of anyone that was homeless, it was kind of shocking to him that there were people who had to worry about both whether or not they would eat tomorrow and if they would have a roof over their head in the morning. So this is meant to be an educational and enlightening adventure, Jeb being forever empathic for others, his chest hurts for these people. "Thanks for bringing me along, Dougie." He says, bumping against the other man, always walking so close.

It's been a long evening, serving up food. A lot of tomato soup. Doug looks up at Jeb, and then scuffs his hair, gently, before he says "It's always good to remember that there are people who've gotten the worst of society, Jebediah." He gestures, to the kitchen. "Looks like they're done washing up the pots. Get a cup of coffee, and we'll be ready to head home soon. Okay?"

Outside in the street is someone who has no particular concerns about being in a dangerous part of town. Lambert is sitting, flicking through a number of postcards he has purchased earlier from one of the small retailers here. Out in Hells Kitchen he has a cap to hide his fleecy head, which is pulled over the front of his horns. His ears are tucked up into them, and a long jacket hides his tail. Lambert is murmuring something, checking on the images as he crouches at the edge of a fountain that has not run in over a decade.

"Ah didn't never know that there were people who were this bad off." Jeb admits to his ignorance and grabs Doug a cup of coffee, but not for himself. His adult tastebuds hadn't come in just yet, he still thought that coffee tasted terrible. "C'mon. Maybe we can make a weekly thing of this."

Once they get out into street again, Jeb is stopped by the person at the fountain. Lambert is a little hard to recognize at first, all of his distinguishing features mostly covered, but the air just feels off, it's the brother senses kicking in. He hadn't forgotten that Jay had been visibly upset when he'd heard Lambert's name mentioned. "Hey Doug, Ah think Ah know that guy over there," He catches Doug's sleeve and tugs lightly on it. "C'mon."

When he's close enough to see those unmistakable eyes, he finally speaks. "Mister Lambert?" Mister, because you gotta still be polite to a dude you about to punch.

Doug blinks, and then says, "Oh, hey, it's Lamb" He looks at Jeb, and frowns, and then moves to grab his arm, probably too late. "Jeb" He says, a warning tone creeping into his voice, also probably too late.

The goaty person glances up, and the eyes still have those odd horizontal pupils. Those, he cannot hide - there are a pair of folded sunglasses on the stone next to him. Lambert stretches out his legs and says brightly "Yes, I am Lambert Petropolous." He sounds cheerful, the jerk. A glance past Jeb at Doug, and a flicker of recognition.

He's definitely too late, you know, Jeb always forgets he's a damn mutant whenever he's about to fight someone, but also, Lambert is made of a flamable material and he doesn't want to actually set him on fire, so instead he just pulls back his fist fast and at least, /goes/ to connect it with Lambert's cheek. "This is fer Jay." He doesn't have any idea what Jay was upset for but it clearly doesn't matter. Jay was upset, now Lambert has to get punched, despite the fact that Lambert had told Jeb once that he enjoyed fighting, so he's probably excellent at it.

Doug makes his grab for Jeb, and misses, and then — well, huh. He takes a step back, and holds up his hands. "You know what? Some lessons in life you have to learn on your own."

Hitting Lambert in the _head_ is a little akin to punching a wall. Since it is the cheek and not the forehead, it is just a wood wall, and not a brick wall. But it still feels much harder than it should. Lambert is a solid creature. He is smacked back by the force of the blow, and the postcards fly up everywhere "Hell!" he says, honestly surprised. Ass over teakettle, Lambert continues rolling and bounces back up to his feet in the dry fountain with alacrity. "Oh come _on_!" He balls up his fists, his shoulders raised, and he shifts stance. Nothing so standard as boxing here - Lambert keeps his head low. It is, after all, the most solid part of him. As Doug speaks, Lambert grins at him "Hello!" Then he toes into the dust and dirt of the fountain and bounces up like a rubber ball to toss the mess at Jeb.

"/Shit!/" Is Jeb's response, nearly mimicking Lambert's own, shaking his fist out as the pain explodes in his knuckles. He's distracted enough by the pain that Lambert can catch him off guard for his response, somewhat, at least, Jeb does try to take a firm stance but he's a slender thing, easy to take down.

Doug puts his hands on his hips, as he watches this. He checks his watch, after a moment. "Mmmm-hmmmm. Do you know why I never threw fists at your brother, Jebediah? It's because Sam has thirty pounds on me. I *might* be able to beat him, now… but I don't particularly wanna try. Looks like Lambert's heavier and stronger than you. …Oops?"

The dust flicks across Jebediah, and Lambert _is_ strong. Slightly more so than most olympic weight lifters. When he moves his solid form, they can be briefly seen under the coating of fat that results from too many nights of wine and feasting. Lambert, cuddly though he may be, springs with caprine agility, and unless Jeb knows how to dodge, he puts a hand just above his groin and _lifts_. To toss the scrawny man up into the air. His breath comes out in a _hruf_ from the effort which does, admittedly, sound a bit like a goat complaining. Already the side of his cheek has gone bright red - the bone is hard, the flesh is not.

Jeb doesn't dodge, mostly because he's revving up to retort at Doug, but before he can he is bodily tossed in the air. When he lands, his breath comes out of him in a long winded gasp as it was knocked out of him on impact. He lays there for a moment, just trying to regain his breath before he goes to get up, rolling up in one movement. "Shut up, Doug, it ain't mean nothin' that he bigger'n me. Ah can still kick his stupid sheep ass for upsetting my brother." Jeb growls at him and rolls his sleeves up. "What did you do to my brother, anyway?" Signifying that he had hit Lambert without even knowing as he charges at Lambert, going to hug him around the middle, like he truly thinks he can bring the way heavier, more solid man down.

Well, no one was going to say that Jeb wasn't brave.

Doug raises his eyebrows, and checks his watch again. "Oh for the — just pin him down and sit on him, Lambert, please? If you wind up accidentally hurting Bean, here, I'm going to have to explain it to his brothers and I really don't want to have to do that." Then he looks at Jeb, and says, "This is a language in differnt idiom. To Lambert, here, what you're doing comes dangerously close to flirting, Jeb. And, hey. He *is* cute, isn't he?"

"Goat," corrects Lambert "Feral sheep are _way_ meaner than feral goats." He does laugh, though - he is about Jeb's height, but boy does he have the pounds on him "Oh, for hell's sake - _I_ didn't do nothing to him -" And then the man is hugging him aggressively. The _other_ side of Lambert's face heats up now, for an entirely different reason. Jebediah is pulling on him hard, and Lambert staggers a little, and then he turns, and he bends down, swinging an arm to either side of the other combatant. +Up+ goes the beanpole, into the air, and he is spun and then plopped solidly down on his belly on the ground, and Lambert kicks up and lands on his shoulders. THUMP. He is, indeed, being sat on. Panting hard, Lambert collects enough breath to say to Doug "Well…it's brightened up _my_ day. He's got some guts!"

Jeb puts up a good fight, a really good fight. He struggles hard against all of it because he's got experience with people bigger than him, bullied since he was school age by people bigger than him, Jeb has some experience with this. "Ah know yer a damn goat, Ah said sheep to be a jerk on purpose." He cusses at Lambert through his teeth during the struggle but then he finds himself on the ground, facing it and Lambert /is/ sitting on him, making Jeb's entire face heat up. This wasn't exactly a dignified place to find oneself.

"Brightens yer day? Ah punched you in the face. It wasn't supposed to brighten yer day and Ah'm right here, Ah can hear you!" He complains, wiggling beneath Lambert aggressively despite the unyielding weight above him. "You did somethin' to him. You upset him. His wings fluffed when Ah was talkin' about you!" He fusses, trying to push himself up. The fight not at all out of him.

Doug looks up from his watch. "He's got guts," He says, "But he thinks he's ten feet tall and bulletproof. I used to have the same problem — not paying attention to the fact that I could get hurt." He sits on the curb, and then stretches his legs out, before he says "But he's a good kid. So why exactly are you and Jay at loggerheads?"

"Oh, I thought you just weren't very bright," says Lambert kindly to Jeb, patting the back of his head. He is a heavy son of a bitch. Not due to any unnatural thing - just pastries and muscles, man. Lambert grins a little bit, showing those white sharp teeth of his "Aww, I thought you wanted my attention? You have it now," he says cheerily, before he notes his postcards on the ground "Aww, gosh." Then he looks up at Doug, and he says "I ain't gonna hurt him. Not permanent-like. Ugh. _This_." Lambert frowns and he puts his chin in his hand, sitting on top of Jeb "Thanks for saying I'm cute…look. My dad came to town and did something to Elmo. Jay got angry at me. And now this kid's hitting me over it. I tell you. Makes a guy just want to move into the sewers permanent like." He pauses "He's wriggly, isn't he?"

Jeb reaches back to swat Lambert's hand away from his head and continues to thrash as hard as he can. "Ah know Ah ain't bulletproof, quit talking about me like Ah'm not here and Ah'm stupid, Ah'm not stupid!" This, more than anything else seems to ignite the fire in Jeb's little chest as he tries to push up with his feet as well. "Awww, Ah was fightin' you over Elmo?" Well, hell, Jeb hardly even liked Elmo. "Ah ain't a kid! Ah'm a man, that's why Ah'm here with my brother. Stop talkin' about me like Ah ain't here!" He complains again and tries hard to get up.

"Yeah, maybe you two should have dinner sometime and figure this out." Doug gets up, and collects Lambert's postcards, shuffling them together before he hands them to the Satyr. "Oh, yeah. Turned him into a girl, right? I remember Jay told me something about that. He's… twitterpated with Elmo. And he gets really protective of people he's infatuated with." Doug gives a brief, sad smile, before he says "Where Jeb comes from, you fight one brother, you fight them all. It's kind of like the three billy goats gruff? Jeb is the little goat. Jay is the middle goat. Uh. You may want to apologize to Jay before you get the big goat. He's a sweet guy, but *real ornery* when his dander's up. You understand." Doug kneels down next to Jeb, and puts his hand on his chin. "Jeb, do me a favor. Take a slow breath and count to ten, and really think about the position you're in here. Please? For me?"

"That's the problem, man," says Lambert to Douglas "I didn't _do anything_. I didn't ask for it, I wasn't involved, I didn't even know what he'd done until Elmo showed up as a Maenad. And given that my father's been a pain in my tail as well, I feel several kinds of annoyed that I have to pay for the galoot. I mean literally - I had to bail him out of lockup too. Something about public intoxication." Lambert sighs, and he adds "Jay already came and yelled at me and used that voice power of his. The way I figure it, everyone's starting to owe _me_ an apology. I tell you what, if someone _else_ comes to smack me around about it, I'm going to get…I'm going to get _frustrated_." He reaches out and he pets Jeb, more gently now "You should listen to the guy with the scary senses. Now. Lemme guess. Are you the firestarter, or one of the other ones? I'm grateful you haven't used your powers."

"Do you even think Ah'm smart enough to count to ten?" Jeb grouches at Doug, stubbornly refusing to meet Doug eyes with his own, dignity smarting at the position he was in. He pulls in a deep breath despite his grouching and releases it after a count of ten anyway. He tries his best to listen to what Lambert is saying but it's hard to overcome the feeling of brotherly duty. "Alright, Ah'm sorry. Ah'm sorry Ah hit ya without knowing whatever happened, especially since it was over Elmo. And… you met me once. Ain't you remember? Ah was gonna do an art piece for you. Ah told you a buncha nice things in your restaurant."

He goes limp beneath Lambert at long last. "Electricity. Ah make electric plasma that can set you on fire but Ah ain't wanna set you on fire. Ah just wanted to hit you." He defends.

Doug says, "All right, let him up." Then he sighs, and says "I guess I'll talk to Jay, and get his side of the story, and then decide whether I should let you two settle it or not." He looks down at Jeb, and says "Is it out of your system?"

"No offence, but my ability to focus on things that aren't cooking or chasing skirts is pretty much non-existent," says Lambert to Jebediah brightly, and then he finally gets off him. Steps up, and begins to collect the post cards that are lying on the ground "Oh, I like Elmo well enough, but yeah, the whole thing is like…my father's a quarter god. I can't stop him doing anything. Heck, he looks _younger than me_ because he's going to outlive me." He adds "Oh, art! I remember _art_…yes, well, you hit me. So, er…I know Douglas there is great at noticing things. You might wanna let him have a look at your hand. I mean, we should check that you haven't popped a tendon off a knuckle or something that needs treatment." Lambert pauses "The last guy who hit me aimed for the gut, which hurt me a lot more than him. But you did it the other way around." Then Lambert says to Doug "Ugh, go and talk to him. _My_ side of the story is that I had a hot Maenad beating down my door suddenly, but I never had sex with her."

Jeb pushes himself up off of the ground and he hides the hand in question behind his back. "Well, Ah remembered that you said your forehead was hard, Ah thought maybe yer cheek wasn't but like /you/ said, Ah'm probably not very bright because your whole head is yer skull, ain't it?" He grouches, brushing his clothes off with his uninjured hand. "You probably shouldn't be tellin' me where to hit you and it'll hurt worse." He smiles slightly. "What is Ma.. that word you just said?"

Doug grabs Jeb's hand and examines it. Bends his fingers. Stuff like that. "'Maenad'. Women cultists of Dionysius, who I am guessing is Lambert's father." He squeezes Jeb's knuckles, and goes on, "Known for being… uh, lustful. And vicious… they were cannibals, or so the story goes, living in a constant frenzy of sex and violence."

"Yep!" says Lambert cheerfully "Though the front of it is where it's the thickest. If you're going to shoot a real goat, you can't shoot it at the front of the skull like that." He adds "Well, not reliably. Anyway. Eh, I like a good fight!" His eyes glitter with amusement, and he adds "It's sexy." Oh dear. Lambert finishes collecting all of his cards "I'll leave you two to find out if he needs treatment. Actually, Dionysis is my great grandfather. My Grandfather is a pureblood satyr - the son of a revelry god and a nymph. So…my blood is watered down a lot. But. Yes. They are definitely cannibals. They eat satyrs sometimes." He adds "More mythology later, I think you two need to go get some ice for him. Actually, I think I want a raw steak for the shiner I'm going to get. Have a nice night!"

Annoyingly? Lambert seems to be in a _great_ mood now. Like, you know. Someone flirted with him.

Doug looks at Lambert, and then he digs his elbow into Jeb's side. "…Jeb would like to take you out to dinner. Is pizza okay?"

"Ah what?" Jeb says confused, rubbing his side now with his uninjured hand. "Ah… Ah guess Ah do. Ah did punch you in the face, food always makes me feel better when someone bested me. Not that Ah bested you, you definitely bested me here. You sat on me after all." Jeb is talking too much and giving Doug a quizzical side eye while his cheeks flush. "My mama always made me something when Ah came home with a shiner like the one yer gonna get."

Lambert watches Jeb with some amusement, and then he says to Doug "Pizza is great - New York makes awesome pies. I'm sure there's bound to be tonnes of places that won't break the bank and that will taste really good." He then says to him, more gently "It's totally fine. Like Doug told you, it means different things to us. Trust me, you should see some of the brawls I've gotten into back home." His eyes widen a little in fond reminiscence "So, pizza!" He pauses. Jay. Jay could be an issue. Lambert strokes his chin, then shrugs. The future is a far off place! Sorry, Future Lambert. Present Lambert wants a Pizza Date.

"Great." Doug says, "He'll pick you up Friday at eight." Then he's steering Jeb away. "Come on, Jebediah, time to put a bag of frozen peas on that hand."

Jeb gives another look over at Doug but smiles, almost nervously. "Well, Ah mean, Doug says that me tryin' to fight you was like flirtin' and well, Doug was right when he said you were cute, Ah told you before that Ah thought you were very beautiful, just because Ah hit ya doesn't mean Ah don't still mean that." Jeb says, where on earth does all this casual flirtation come from when he'd just been sulking on the ground? Guthrie, the kid has plenty of Guthrie in his blood.

Lambert says brightly "Okay! We can fight again, soon, then!" Errrr… He even _waves_ happily "I just need to send all these postcards back to home. But thanks for having a fight and saying such great things! I look forward to pizza!"

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