1965-09-21 - Not OSHA Approved
Summary: Bayou engineering at its finest. Now sponsored by the fine folks at ACME
Related: None
Theme Song: None
elmo vitale jp 

JP was easily findable in his usual state: precarious. Today it was a ladder opened up resting on four chairs. The possum was sitting on the top of the card table looking at him funny and maybe waiting for him to die to go through his pockets. Honestly, he respected this about the possum. Oh! and he's armed with a power drill, lovely. At least he's wearing goggles, well it is a swim mask with a snorkel, but hey, safety first. If he falls and breaks his neck maybe at least he won't drown.

When Vitale happens upon this, he starts softly cussing in Italian beneath his breath, only because he doesn't wanna scare JP and make him fall and make his own job that much harder. "Jean-Pierre Marius Bonaventure, you are gonna be the death of me. Now, just what the hell are you doing up there?" Vitale grumbles at the elder Bonaventure, looking up at him from the bottom of his very unsafe ladder mess.

JP had his tongue hanging out of the corner of his mouth thoughtfully and everything. Oh boy. "Reachin'." There was that lopsided half-grin. Dammit. "Reachin. You think you can come up here an' hold the back of my belt so I don' fall?" Because that's a fantastic plan right there.

"I have an even better plan, you get your ass down and then I don't have to heal your broken neck when you inevitably fall. There's gotta be a safer way to do this. Elmo would drop dead if he saw you up there like that. So would your mama. Now come down." Vitale commands, pointing aggressively at the floor.

JP didn't shake his head, he was concentrating. "Safe's for people that don' wanna win, Vi'talle'" He looked down folded half over the top of the ladder pointing down, "You right. Hold tha' side down. Need a counter weight." Let's give him more ideas. It's a good plan. Still he noted, "I'm tryin t'save Elmo from gettin hurt. How's you doin with this whole 'two weeks off' thing?"

"I used your full name! That's supposed to work magic and I told you that you would terrify your mother if she saw you and you still won't get down. You are going to be the death of me." Vitale says and begrudingly moves to hold the other side of the ladder down.

JP draped his arms easily over the top of the ladder with a grin just as easy on his face. "Vee, you are a firecracker when you worried! I love it. You got that fire in you eyes, remind me of Mo when she really put her foot down…an' also don' win." But now he had a counter weight so he could readup there hooking one leg around the rungs and leaning out and back to put the tiniest hole withthe world's smallest drillbit up into teh plaster of the ceiling. It really begs the question why didn't they jsut at least move the whole scaffolding over another foot and a half?

More muffled Italian cussing escapes when JP calls him a firecracker and compliments him on being good at being worried. "When you get down here, you'll be lucky if I don't punch you for the trouble. How are you helping Elmo, anyhow? You might as well explain it to me while I'm helping you not bust your fucking skull open."

JP was so focused on gettin the tiny hole in the ceiling right his expression didn't move much. "With a angry pottymouth like that no wonda' you landed youself aun Bonaventure, mon ami." Feistiness was next to savviness apparently. "Caaaaause when I tell Elmo about the play he' skinny butt be RIGHT up this ladder an' if I can barely reach this ceilin' ain' no hope there an' he definiately go splat. SO… this why you helpin me with this carefully crafted solution."

Elmo comes jogging up the stairs to the apartment, goggles shoved up into his hair, cigarette dangling from his mouth, knapsack over his shoulder. He halts, eyes getting big when he sees this absolutely non-OSHA compliant setup that JP and Vitale have going on. He snatches the cigarette from his lips so he can start bitching without obstacles. "Oh what the hell! V, why are you letting him do this?!" He flings a hand at Vitale, who's supposed to be the responsible one around here, not contributing to JP's future Looney Tunes-style decapitation.

"Your brother is quite the fan of my dirty mouth, yes, but what am I supposed to do? Your full name don't work, telling you you're killing me don't work, telling you that you would kill your mama won't work. So all I got now is cussing at you in Italian and trying to make sure you don't die." Then Elmo enters and starts yelling at him and it just sets Vitale all the way off again. "If you woulda been in here like two minutes ago, you would have heard me yellin' at him! He don't fuckin' listen to me! Don't you come at me! He's /your/ boyfriend! Why don't you use Jewish disappointment on him?!" Vitale growls back at Elmo but doesn't dare to take any of his weight off the ladder. "I promised to punch him when he came down."

JP paused snickering and holding oto the ladder with at least one hand trying not to crack up, "Mon dieu, man, not while I' tryin t'stay up here. wait til after I'm done." That grin, wide and infectious went back to getting that tiny hole centered. When V promised Elmo that he was going to hit JP after hechanged his expression to thoughtful, you know to be supportive, "Oui, he did do that." That drill rattled and caught the stud (the beam, not JP) and grabbed and finally set. That done he carefully pulled that out and spat a small half in brass hook out of him mouth - OH for the love of choking hazards!- into his hand, rubbed it on the edge of his shirt to get teh spittle off, and screwed it up into teh hole. NOW… they had a tiny hook up there. Yay… for what? Who knows but he was on his way back down the ladder and down the chairs to the floor, honestly half expecting Elmo or V or both to clobber him.

"I'm yellin' at you because he don't care if I yell at him!" Elmo yells back at Vitale, really getting both hands into it now, gesticulating with a fury reserved to the Jewish and the Italian. JP descends, managing to survive his redneck architecture, and Elmo glares at him. "C'mere, ya mamzer." Storms over, grabs him by the neck, and kisses him with ANGER. "What the hell were you doin' up there?" He looks up, eyes narrow. "Installin' a hook?"

"Elmo Izthak Rosencrantz that is the /opposite/ of punishin' him. Now you're gonna come home and he's gonna be usin' the plunger to hang off of the ceiling!" Vitale fusses at them both, gesturing at them both exasperatedly. "You just yelled at me for not yelling at him enough and now you're kissing him. I'm done! I'm going back to bed!"

JP honestly was jsut trying NOT to get slapped on all sides by angry flying hands. GOD feel teh energy in teh room. He was loving it. The hand lashed out grabbing his t-shirt and he braced to be punched but, wooo buddy that weren't no punch, and he weren't shy about takin the paint off the walls with that one. Nope! Didn't learn a thing. "I thought… now we can put a small hangin light up above the table there so you can see while you cleanin things an' watchin tv." He turned to Vitale and just hugged him. "See you made Elmo feel better an you didn't even have to touch em. See how his face turn pruple? Means he's healthy."

Elmo pulls back from the kiss all flushed and breathing hard. Right in front of Vitale, no less, JP is the worst. "Jerk," he murmurs to JP, hand on his face, thumb running over his stubble. "Always thinkin' of me. Thanks. …Can ya maybe not do the thing with the ladder and the chairs? You're scarin' Vitale, he's gonna do that thing with his pulse."

Vitale grumbles something cranky at JP when he hugs him and then pulls back so he can give JP's face a light pat. "Next time you pull something like that, I am going to hit you." He warns and gives JP another hug. "And you, all you just did was encourage him." He fusses pointing at Elmo. "Comin' in here, yellin' at me and then you just kiss him!"

JP blinked when Elmo put it that way that it was a health risk for Vitale. JP arched both eyebrows, "Oh shit I gave him the circus?" There he goes butching Yiddish again, but he was trying. In the end he really spoke JPese and everyone was along for the ride. Regarding Vitale again he siad, "Were you serious about the plungers cause I can go buy a couple clean ones. Think they stick?"

"The what?" Elmo gets it after a second and sighs. "Yeah. You're giving him the circus." He grins lopsided at Vitale and one-arm hugs him, too. "Sorry. I'll find a taller ladder, how's that?" A peace offering, the best way he knows how, with practical solutions.

"You're giving me the somethin', I tell ya." Vitale grumbles and returns the hug to Elmo too, patting his back but still frowning at the smaller man until JP speaks. "No, Jean-Pierre, I was not serious, it won't work and if you try, I really will hit ya." He points at JP in a JP-fashion, with his index and his pinky pointed out.

JP started rolling a hand in a circle trying to define 'circus' but Elmo got it and JP nodded, "Yeah that." Looking back to Vitale JP leveled with him, "V, I know my hundred fifty poun' ass ain' bein held up to a ceiling wit' no seal on it with no two plungers… but it will be fun as hell t'see if Sev can cause he weigh about as much as a soup can andcan fly so it can only be awesome"

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